The move is a go

There has been a lot weighing on my mind lately, but any time I even think about sitting down and writing about it I am immediately distracted by all my children needing things.(Gosh, selfish kids). I usually don't get much computer time these days not that it is necessary, but it does help me sort of relax. Even now Luke is screaming and crying in his bed and Thomas is nursing. It really never stops. I missed aerobics today because I was just too tired to load up the kids in the snow and drive there, but in hindsight I should have done it anyway, I feel so much better after I go to aerobics. It is the first Thursday I have missed(minus Christmas break) since the beginning of November.

 When I first thought about writing we weren't sure if we were going to move or not. We actually thought we would be staying. I began thinking about summer t-ball and swim lessons, fall soccer and kindergarten, about bunk beds, framing the kid's artwork to hang in the kitchen, and actually talking more to the moms at Montessori. Now I have to get back in let's move away mode.

 Jack is not excited at all. He says home is where your heart is and his heart is here. He is also scared about going to a school that will be taught in a language different than English. 

Pete was given a part-time teaching position at the university. Classes start April 2nd so that gives us a firm deadline for getting there. I still don't really feel like getting everything ready but there is a lot to do. Plus, I have to figure out the rules for bringing food and breast milk on the plane.

 We have a busy schedule the next few months anyway. Jack has his first birthday party for a school friend, I emailed the dad and asked if we were allowed to stay; he said that would be fine. Over-protective? Maybe. Luke and Jack will have birthdays before we move. In February we are going to Vanderbilt for a conference and we are going to Henderson to visit my family. Our plan is to leave Indiana by mid-March so we have time to visit family before we leave. Also, we want to spend as much time with Tigran as possible. It is a really hard decision to leave your pet, but it just wasn't possible and he is already neurotic so the flight over may have been too much for him. When we thought we were staying we were so happy because we wouldn't have to leave Tigran; he has been our friend, protector, and family member for 7 years.

 We are full of conflicting emotions right now. The possibility of staying has made leaving that much harder, plus with things in my family being chaotic I feel bad for leaving. Pete has started tutoring a 7th-grader with autism and it gives him such fulfillment and purpose that I know it will be hard for him to give that up.

 The mother of the boy Pete tutors is German, and she gave us some advice/tips. 1. Remember to bag your own groceries otherwise the cashiers will yell. 2. Bring your own bags or if you forget remember to buy them at the beginning of the line,not after you have bought the food- another big deal that will cause irritation and yelling by cashiers. 3.Always carry freezer bags anywhere you go. (Not sure why but I can handle that) 4. Germans only eat warm bread so after noon the bakers sell the morning bread at 50% off because it is considered old/stale. So that along with our knowledge that 5. You seat yourself when eating out and you may have to share a table with people you don't know 6. There is no such thing as tap water outside your house. If you ask for it they look at you like you just asked to drink toilet water. 7. You don't tip but you can round up to the nearest dollar amount. and 8. Everything is closed on Sundays and be warned that shops close early during the week so get everything done early! I think we will figure it out-eventually.

 Here are a few more family pictures of us. I haven't pulled out my camera in a long time so I may just keep using these for awhile.

Sometimes being a parent means cleaning up gross messes

Having kids is really gross. I don't mean labor, I mean the everyday sort of stuff you get 'used to' as a parent.  Luke really isn't a fan of the diaper anymore. He runs around half naked most of the time or in undies when the mood strikes. Yesterday he went to play in Jack's room only to have Jack run out screaming," diaper alert! poopy diaper coming off!" When Luke poops he takes his diaper off immediately, unless you are right next to him when it happens then he will tell you, since I hadn't been there he was taking it off on Jack's bed. I run in as the dirty diaper was about to drop, I scoop him up, hold him out, and make it into the living room before any real damage happens. As I am changing him I realize that I am covered in poop. Oh man, I feel so dirty. I clean Luke up and wipe myself off, but since Pete will be home in 10 minutes to take Jack and Luke out I decide to wait to take a shower, and yes a shower is needed. It was a long 10 minutes.

Thomas spits and drools a lot, it is quite a massive amount really.  Yesterday I held him in the air and did the airplane move over my head, he really liked it began to smile and coo, but he also began to drool. As I looked up at him and began to smile back a large amount of drool landed in my mouth. Yuck-- you don't recover from that one right away. 

Today more issues with Luke. You may say," Just potty train the kid already!" Basically over the last 2 days he has used the potty more often than not. He pees in there quite well now. He sometimes tells you, but mostly we have to watch him for signs. He is always very proud and demands a high five. No candy needed-just fives. So we don't always have a diaper on him and we aren't too concerned about it, really the problems come when the diaper is on because then poop is involved. He won't even attempt to poop in the potty so if he has gone awhile with no diaper then we put one on--poop is on the way. Today this happened at nap time. I diaper him up, put pants on him, and 20 minutes later I hear the frantic screams I have come to know so well. Pants off, diaper off, poop flung on floor, and all sheets/blankets soiled. Oh yes, this is the fun stuff people don't think about when they are pregnant.

On a lighter and not so poopy subject -Thomas is starting to get up on his knees and rocking back and forth. He did it for the doctor a couple times today, she was impressed and believes he will be an early crawler. 

Jack is still trying to figure out girls. He pulled a girl's hair today. I am not sure what to do with him. It is only girls his age or a little younger that he is having issues with. We keep talking and he keeps saying he understands and will stop and he does--until he doesn't.

We begin and end with family

Prior to Christmas the quote: Whatever else changes us, we begin and end with family, had been floating through my head. I think it was because I had been praying and pondering about whether we should move to Germany. I couldn't shake it- we begin and end with family. 
In early December my great aunt died, this may seem distant, but in my family I know my second and third cousins quite well. When I went to college in Louisville I saw, stayed with, and dined with my great aunt and uncle on a regular basis, even my best college friends had met them. She was older and had been quite sick for a long time so it wasn't out of the blue, but it is always sad for those of us who are left to lose family. This began to make me feel hesitant about moving away. What if my siblings get married while I am gone, not a completely far-fetched notion, I would never forgive myself for not being there--I think they may not either. What if something happened to my Nanny? I know she doesn't want me to leave even though, in front of me, she puts on a brave face.
Family. I don't really know how to describe my family, I should ask Pete he is very good at these things, but one thing I know is that from an early age family was pressed into my brain as the most important thing. We aren't really the laughing, chummy, inside jokes, always talking kind of family I picture most families to be, but we are the type of family that would drop anything and everything to be there for each other-even if it is just to sit awkwardly in silence. I grew up within minutes of almost all my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins, seeing them weekly or monthly was quite normal. I observed my mom visiting my grandma weekly even when she wasn't up for it just because it is family and that's what you do. I have seen family members angry, yelling, giving the silent treatment, and cursing each other just to show up at a family event the next day, I have been one of these family members at times, just because it is family and even if you 'hate' them you are there for them.
A couple Christmases ago our car was completely out of commission due to a wreck, and an aunt gave us some money to help us get it fixed, knowing we are a poor graduate school family, and she said, "Having a large family can be a pain, I know, but it has its benefits too." This year a couple weeks before Christmas the same aunt sent me an email offering a way to help us keep in touch with the family and of course, Nanny, while we were in Germany, but since we had recently learned we may not have to go the gift was not one we could accept in good conscience. I didn't know how to phrase the reply email so instead of emailing back immediately I was going to do it the next day. I received two texts and one or two phone calls from my siblings on my aunt's behalf, worried because I hadn't emailed her back right away, like I normally do. I had only put off the email 15 hours. I feel guilty now because this aunt died over Christmas break. In fact, she died only a few days after I replied to her email. She was young, 52, and she lived alone with her many animals(horses, dogs, and cats). She hadn't been sick to anyone's knowledge. In fact, she had actually replied to my email asking what the boys would want for Christmas and reminding me we would be doing our annual Christmas movie outing and since we would be staying so long we might even go to two movies this year. She hadn't been heard from for almost a week and she wasn't answering her phone, but it was both normal and unusual, so we thought of it, but not as something so strange. On Christmas Eve my sister offered to drive out to check on her and she was dead. I didn't email back immediately and received many texts and phone calls checking on me at her request, but she hadn't been heard from for a week before we checked on her. I am sad about that and I feel very selfish.

Family Pictures

We haven't had the best Christmas Break, but as I don't really want to talk about it now I thought I would share a few of our family pictures. My friend from high school takes pictures, and does an amazing job. For a year or more I have been wanting her to take some family pictures, but we never seem to be in Henderson at the same time. This year on Christmas Day we had our pictures taken, and I love them. Also, thank you Mare for letting us use your house. Here are a few:

Sorry and Girls

Why is it that a child knows the gravity of the word sorry before they can even speak? Luke refuses to say sorry. A couple months ago when we started prompting him to say or sign it when he hurt Thomas or us he refused. We thought it was just that he couldn't talk so we let it slide with a reminder to him that he needed to say sorry when he made someone sad or hurt them. We tried teaching him the sign and again he refused to even lift his hand. Maybe he just didn't understand or maybe he didn't like being forced to try to speak. However, we noticed and had been noticing something from the very beginning, he understood sorry was in someway admitting a defeat or acknowledging you were wrong because he would turn down his eyes or turn his head away. When we would give up he would get this smile on his face that said-- I won. I would put Luke in timeout if he refused to say sorry and he would scream and cry and throw a fit, but still refuse to say sorry. I would leave him in there for a couple rounds of timeout just to show him that saying sorry is important, but still he refused. A couple times he has even said no when we tell him to say sorry. We tried modifying it to just give a hug and kiss. He would not even do this. He would however, find a nearby toy and kiss or hug that. Pete asked Luke to show Thomas how to say sorry and Luke signed it-- but on Thomas-this way Luke was still not saying it.  He had thrown a toy at Pete but refused to say sorry to Pete but he did pick up the toy, after quite a few minutes, and sign sorry on the toy. When he broke Pete's coffee pot yesterday we told him to say sorry and all we got was the eyes turned down look. The child is stubborn. He might beat us yet.

Jack is discovering that girls are different. Jack got his class pictures taken last month and in the package was a picture of the entire class. Right away he started carrying it around everywhere. He was naming off everyone in the picture, but seemed to be focusing a lot on the girls. Then he started asking which girl I thought was the prettiest. At first I thought that he had a favorite and was intrigued to find out where this was going so I didn't discourage it right away. Then he began listing them in order from prettiest to least. I could see that things were going down hill fast. He asked me to do the same. I tried to say that just because a girl is pretty doesn't mean that she is nice so liking girls just because they are pretty isn't the best thing to do. He informed me that all the girls were nice so would I tell him which was the prettiest? I was not handling this in the best way. Then I found out from the group of girls themselves that he had been calling them names. These girls were not pleased because they had asked him to stop and he wouldn't. These names were things like Buttons and Zip-Zap. I tried to explain that girls don't think these things are funny, they don't like it, and it could hurt their feelings and it wasn't our job  to make people feel bad. Pete has also had some talks with him. I really can't tell if we are making headway. I do know that he saw some college cheerleaders on tv over the weekend and said--'Look Mom, Girls.'

Oh my...

Did you know that the mere sound of crying is enough to make a person exhausted? If you doubt it, please move in with us so I can prove it to you. Thomas only wants to be held lately, and while yes, these moments don't last forever, they sometimes feel like forever. He was able to roll from tummy to back awhile ago, but it was only done occasionally. Now every time he is on his stomach he rolls to his back and it freaks him out. He sleeps on his stomach so last night was not pleasant, every couple hours you would hear frantic screaming and crying. Note to Thomas-- Child, you have to learn to roll back the other way.

This morning while I was preparing our crockpot dinner, with a crying baby strapped to my chest,  Jack got out his light saber and began to taunt our dog. Poor Tigran, every few minutes I would see him run into the kitchen and through to the bathroom only to be followed by Jack and his light saber. It took me a couple times of this happening to fully register it. As a mother of boys I get the privilege of saying things like-- Jack, stop chasing the dog with your light saber! I did end up taking it away, only to have him get the other one out.

Luke is also going through a stage. It is a huge pain in the butt stage, and I really am not 100% sure what to do. He acts like he wants to be potty trained-- he isn't 2 yet. He takes off his clothes and diaper all the time, he goes into the bathroom and is constantly sitting on the potty seat because he wants to. I haven't seen him use he potty yet, but he has done it a handful of times with other people. At nap time or when I go to get him out of bed in the morning I find him stark naked. At first he was just peeing in his bed, but now he is also pooping in his bed! This means lots of laundry and baths. It also means trying to figure out what to do about this situation. We blame ourselves because prior to this he wasn't telling us at all when he had pooped so sometimes he would go a couple hours before we realized it, and the result would be a severe diaper rash. I think he got tired of having to wait for his parents to change his diaper. He hates wearing a diaper now. He throws a huge fit when I go to put one on him, and is usually sans diaper within the hour. I got out Jack's old underwear and put those on him and he was so excited, but he just peed in them and demanded another pair. I keep putting him on the potty since he keeps asking, but he just sits there and then gets up and goes to pee in Jack's room or someplace else. It is a huge headache. I don't want to potty train him, I don't think he is really ready, but he hates wearing his diaper and keeps taking it off to pee around the house, and apparently he has no issues with pooping in his bed.

Luke and Jack played a game last night called, throw all of the memory cards in the Christmas tree. I found a least 30 in the tree. They were also playing next to each other when Jack started to punch Luke's back, he didn't realize I was watching, then Luke got mad so he pushed Jack then grabbed the lid to the memory game and started hitting Jack in the head with it. Jack began to tattle on Luke only to have me tell him he started it and if Luke wants to defend himself he has every right. Jack was none to pleased.

Today in the car, Jack was telling me how some of the kids were throwing snowballs, and he got hit in the face. I asked if he threw snowballs back - he said,  "Mom,  revenge isn't allowed at school."

Ornaments, Hair, and Passports

I forgot about kids and ornaments- Luke thinks the round ones are actual balls and he throws them down the hall. He took one off the tree, and while the front door was open, he threw it hard onto the porch-of course it broke. We have since moved all ornaments up so the top half is quite full of ornaments and the bottom is bare- it looks pretty funny.

 Jack and Luke were playing with our Little People Nativity set while I was nursing Thomas in the other room, and I hear, "Mom, Luke is smacking those wise men's camels!" It made me laugh. We had to put up the baby Jesus figure from the Nativity set because he kept being launched, and I felt a little weird about condoning the launching of Jesus into the manger in order to explode it.

At aerobics the instructor has added a few Christmas songs to the mix, and when Last Christmas came on Jack said, "Oh Mom, this is my favorite song!" He started singing along, and the instructor looked at me and laughed pretty hard.

I changed my hair color-I haven't adjusted yet- I don't think I like it. Pete keeps telling me I am the only person who even notices the color is that different. I changed it because I don't have the time or the means to keep up blonde hair and end up with 2 inches of darker hair at the top before I have it fixed. Plus, I knew when we moved I probably wouldn't have the nerve to make a hair appointment for awhile so I had them match the color to my roots so it will be close to my natural hair color ( a color I haven't seen since high school). Pete believes this is a more sensible look for a 30-year-old mother of 3 with little time to sit in a stylist's chair for two hours- maybe he's right, but right now I miss my blonde hair-even if I am the only one who notices the difference.

We got our passports a couple weeks ago. It was very exciting actually. After not getting anywhere with my emails to the consulate I finally got a a few responses on the same day- they told us not to get a visa before we move because Americans can live in Germany for 90 days before they need a visa. This will give us time to find housing and get the university to help us. We are looking for housing now and so far everything is quite small and quite expensive, and we may have to live just outside the city. I have looked at plane tickets and we know when we are leaving so that makes it more real. After Christmas break we are going to start doing things like talking to the bank about international banking, talk to the cell phone company about turning off service, getting medical records, making sure the kids have gone to the doctor and we get their records, and loads more. The next few months are going to go by fast.