Status update -what's next?

So many friends and family have kept us in their prayers over the last year that I feel not updating our status would be unfair. I admit I don't particularly want to update you because it is still pretty raw. It also has to do with the fact that while I process life by writing about it here or other places, Pete does not.

Well, here it goes. The application process for academic jobs ( math postdocs) starts in the fall. The applications basically are finished by Christmas and then you wait. The first thing you hear back from is the NSF grant in January and then the trickle down effect starts happening as the weeks go on. By March you more or less know. I will say frustration ruled in our case. First there was not good news with the NSF grant and then there continued to be a lot of bad news as the weeks went on. However, people who knew Pete and his CV were sure that he would get a job because he was a very strong candidate. He went and talked to various people who all said there was almost no way he wouldn't get something. Of course, they added you can never be 100% when it comes to these things. They offered up a host of reasons why there may be a delay with some schools offering positions, and advice was given that Pete postpone May graduation in favor of August graduation to give a couple extra months for things to get sorted out. We went into the summer with plans to graduate in August. Pete has done 7 years of graduate school, and the policy here is to basically kick you out by cutting off funding after your 7th year. It boiled down to him having to graduate no matter what. Once summer really kicked off and things began to settle down he again went to talk to some people that he trusts and there was an idea that he could get something called a limited term lecturing position. This would allow him to graduate in August but still get paid by Purdue for an extra year while working on applications again. It wasn't awesome but it was the best we could hope for.  He talked to the people in charge of setting this up, but was once again faced with disappointing news. The position would pay only $100 more a semester and there would be no insurance- this ended up not being an option for us. Faced with a deadline to defend and to make our plans known to the graduate department within a day we were lost.

 To apply to industry takes a few months and as we have lived month to month for 7 years there isn't savings to allow us the luxury of being without income. Also, Pete had an industry job before but quit it to follow his dream of becoming an academic. To get so close to that dream and then walk away wasn't something he was ready to do, especially since he had and still has numerous people telling him that he should have gotten a postdoc. Of course, this doesn't really make him feel better at all. During all of this he has had one professor that he trusts above all the others and he is who Pete sought out during this moment. However, the professor was not in his office and had not returned Pete's email. Then at 7:30pm Pete's phone rings (and he answers it, if you know Pete this is a big deal) and the professor found Pete's number and called him knowing that his advice was much needed.  He had also called two other professors before calling Pete in order to discuss options. It was decided that there wasn't a lot to do at this point in the game, but what could be done was that Pete could petition the graduate program for an 8th year and he would get it since the people who make these decisions are the people Pete has been talking to all summer. In the next few weeks he will formally ask for his 8th year and come the fall semester he will start applying for jobs in academics and in industry.

There you have it. Our year in a glance. Pete's year in a glance. There isn't much else to say. Thank you for your support of us as we have struggled through and thank you for your continued support as we try one more time.

Summer time madness

The children are enjoying the freedom we have given them this summer. We open the door and let them play outside without a parent just sitting there watching. As a child this happened to me all the time, but it seems that doesn't happen as often as it used to. I feel for my kids, they don't the luxury of awesome neighbors like I did, they only have each other. They take a bowl of water to refill water guns, they take bikes, scooters, and whatever else they can find and out they go. They still come inside far more than I would like(mostly because they like to leave the door wide open!!!) They don't go far-- they really can't because living in an apartment complex sort of limits your exploring boundaries, but still it is a small taste of freedom.

Now this new freedom comes with the need to work together, figure things out, and stop asking mom and dad to be referee. They come inside whining and crying about not sharing, not taking turns, some one was pushed, another was tripped, and so it goes. We now say-- go back outside and you guys figure it out. They were uncertain at first, but they relish their outdoor time so they quickly learned to work it out or at least make an attempt. There has been one incident that did involve a parent stepping in. Luke found a rather large rock, it was bigger than my palm, and he threw it at Thomas' head. He got him smack on the forehead. Immediately Luke ran off and hid behind a tree. Jack stepped up and took on the role of caretaker. He got Thomas a pillow to rest on, some water, he sat next to him and read him a book, and told him he was sorry that he had such a bad owie. After getting the ice there was nothing for me to do. 

I am the strict one you see- the one that says rules are rules and they must be followed. My job is to be the one that is not fun at all. I enforce all the little and big rules. Bedtime falls into this area. I am very strict on bedtime.  The summer is no excuse to be lax because when it is time for school to start things will be hell,  and if bedtime is not adhered to then the summer days will be hell because of the overwhelming crankiness. However, I have worked very hard on being a little more flexible. I also surprised them all when after Tae Kwon Do one night instead of saying it was time to start getting ready for bed I said-- who wants to go to the pool? Our complex has a pool so I took the boys to the pool. Just me. I let them jump to me, I talked about random stuff, and for once I felt like the cool parent.  

I have spent the summer reading. So far I have read three books.  Right now I am reading Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore. I really like it. Of the three it is my favorite. I go through stages. Sometimes I binge read, sometimes I binge on TV, and other times I spend my evenings doing crossword puzzles. I hadn't read since before I was pregnant with Meg( minus one book), so it was about time. It was the longest I had gone without reading. I was just having a hard time finding something to start. Now I am on a roll. 

Picture time:

The kids weren't really on board with pictures. We might have to try again.

Being silly works, right? Nope.

Thomas didn't want to be there at all

This was sweet 

Taking a break 

Jack swim lessons

Luke swim lessons

Thomas summarizing summer in one picture

The main thing is-- you just gotta show up

I was reading an article/blog entry on the top 30 things you need to know if you are a mom of boys. I mean I have 3 so that totally counts. Most of the stuff you know and do anyway,  and I am thinking to myself-- oh awesome, I do that, not that, but I do that--when I hear a thump from upstairs and know something/someone has fallen. I pause for a second waiting for a noise but hear nothing. Still, I figure since all the kids are in bed, I should check it out. Turns out Thomas has fallen out of bed and is quietly crying. I pick him up, give him a kiss, hold him tight, and rock him. I rock him until the crying lessens and then I get him a drink of water, kiss him again, and tuck him back in. I think to myself, I don't need to read an article on how to raise my boys-- I just need to raise them in a way that feels right to us. I am not always an awesome mom. Sometimes I spank, sometimes I threaten to spank(even when I have no intention of doing so) just because it makes them hustle a little faster, I yell a lot more than I should, I have lost my temper and cussed at them or near them, I have had my days (weeks) when I am just tired so my parenting skills are limited to just keeping them alive- none of this fancy crafting, baking, coloring, playing, imaginary games stuff. That is ok. I accept that is ok. The main thing that I have learned from being a child and having children is that showing up is probably one of, if not the, most important thing. Just show up in their lives, be a part of their lives in some capacity, and your children will feel it. I say I love you all the time, I hug, I ask questions, I sit and look at them, I go to their school when possible to help, I read to them every day for naps and bedtime, and I listen when they need/want to talk. I'm not perfect, but they don't need me to be. At the end of the day they know I am on their team, and that means a lot. 

I also surround them with family that loves them. This weekend Meg and cousin Lily were baptized by their great-grandfather-- how amazing and special.  There was a lot of extended family and my kids were blessed with their presence. I did not take any of these pictures- they were taken by a beautiful cousin who was able to capture so many special moments of us just being together. 

Thank you to everyone who just showed up. It meant a lot.