Home

Home. Tonight I talked with some friends about home. Is Indiana home? Is Kentucky home? What is home? I talked to Pete and realized I probably offended my friends with what I had said-- I am sorry. I guess I haven't really thought about what home is or what it means to me. Home is a small word that evokes so much emotion.

When we go home for holidays, summer visits, and family events we go to Kentucky, this includes visiting my in-laws. When I was brought home from the hospital it was to the same house my dad lives in now. I went to high school and college in Kentucky. I cheer for the Cards and roll my eyes at the Cats. Even knowing what that sentence means and that I know Cats fans would get quite angry over something so simple must make me a true Bluegrass girl. When I heard Ashley Judd was thinking about running for Senate I was excited I would get the chance to vote for her-- but I won't because my ID says Indiana and by the time she runs who knows what my ID will say. I grew up in the town where my dad grew up until around high school and then they moved to Evansville, which is just across the bridge. I grew up with my grandparents (on both sides) and most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins within 20 minutes. Surely this is home. Roots--they must equal home.

In KY I went through an adjustment period of trying to figure out who I was without a mom and as a young adult. I made mistakes, offended people, hurt people, but I began to find myself, found a few good friends and met Pete. Does a place that helps you discover who you are equal home?

In KY I had my grown-up job as a teacher, bought my first car, got married, had a baby, and bought a house. In the second trimester of my first pregnancy I went into labor at 22.5 weeks and in KY he has a gravestone. There is a part of us that will always be in KY. Is this home?

We have lived in Indiana since 2007. That is a very long time. Jack was still a baby. I have had two more kids since moving here. Pete is a Boilermaker and unless they are playing the Cards-- I root for the Black and Gold. My favorite football team is the Indianapolis Colts, this year maybe I am a little angry at them for trading Manning, but I will get over it in time. Almost immediately upon arriving here I found someone I know I will consider a best friend/sister for the rest of my life. Through her I met so many other wonderful friends that I hope I keep in contact with for years to come- they are all so amazing. Does this mean home?

Jack is now going to school here, we see the same parents at pick-up everyday, he is joining sports teams where we are seeing a few of the same faces, and next year he'll go to the same school where the principal and all the teachers say hi to him whenever they see him. Our Christmas card is up at the doctor's office. When we go to the store I have conversations with the check-out lady and she asks about my kids. When Pete goes to Qdoba the whole store stops what it is doing, almost, to ask about him and his kids. Is home where everybody knows your name?

We have traditions, events, rituals, and places we love to go. We are familiar and comfortable with the ebb and flow of activity in town due to the university. We consider ourselves part of the town vs students even though this is just a stop in our journey. Spring brings Springfest and walking in the botanical garden, summer brings swim lessons and having the town to ourselves, fall brings the Boilermaker Special, orange barricades for those drunk college kids, and winter means picking out our Christmas tree, throwing ice into the Wabash River, and a trip to Wolf Park. We have built our family here. 

Where my husband and kids are is my home no matter what, but this sense of home, this feeling of being at home, when you are asked where you are from-- how do you answer? 

I have watched my friends here raise babies who are now school aged children, I have done it with them, I have seen them get pregnant, they have seen the same of me. They have cooked me meals, taught joy school with me, invited me to play dates, and helped me live through so many of the most precious moments of my life. Home.

I think I worry about the next stop in life. The next place I go. I think I am afraid to call this place home because I know I will leave it. I will once again walk away from home. It scares me. If it isn't home it doesn't matter. This is wrong because it diminishes and belittles every moment and person I have encountered on my journey and life here. I never wanted to do that. I could never replace the love and support I have had here. I have always thought of home as where you grew up, where you went to high school. Then, at some random point years ago, I decided home would be our permanent city. I attached no real reason to this thought, only that a place where we stay for many years and where our kids go to high school must surely be home. This will be true at some point in the future, but does this mean I am to be homeless until then? I hadn't really thought about it in much detail before tonight. 

I suppose I would say that a place where you have family and/or friends who love, support, and look out for you is home no matter how long you are there. Kentucky was my childhood home. Indiana has been more than a home I think. It has been this wonderful place that can never be replicated. The moments, days, and years of your young children's life are fleeting but so full of moments/events/hardships, and to have a place where your husband's work schedule allows him to be there in ways a set 9-5 job would never allow is such a huge blessing and to have found a best friend who has shared those moments with you as well--it only happens once. Both places have shaped me and found a place in my heart-- both are home. 

Boys are emotional too

I have learned that boys aren't free from being emotional. Girls get a bad rap for being overly dramatic, but I am here to tell you that girls don't have the copyright on that. I have three lovely boys that done lost their minds.

 Thomas is in a screaming temper tantrum phase. An example- he and Luke were eating waffles and oranges for breakfast. The waffles were gone but there were still oranges. Thomas thought Luke still had waffles and he wanted them. Once I told him no he just screamed as loud as he could, looked at me and screamed again. To emphasize his point he pushed his plate away, threw his cup, screamed, brought his plate and cup back towards himself only to push it away again. He looked at me to see my reaction and since I was ignoring him he screamed even louder and began to throw the food off his plate onto the floor. This is a fairly average response to anything that makes him mad.

Luke is in a crying phase. He cries over anything and everything for no reason. He wants juice, I give him juice and he cries, I take it back, he cries, I return it  he cries, and so it goes. Last night I go to clear his plate, he cried, I asked if he wanted the food, he said no but still wanted the plate, I gave it back to him, he cries-- I had no idea what to do. 

Jack sometimes gets in these moods where he says why do you make me....., why do you always...., and you had better..... .  Last night this mood was extreme. I asked him to turn off angry birds in 2 minutes and he asked me why I always make him turn off his game immediately. This then progressed into telling me I had better make dinner that he likes otherwise he won't eat it. Once we were eating dinner he told me it was the most disgusting thing ever-- it was spaghetti. Things went downhill.

Of course, it all happened at the same time while Pete was studying and I was home with the boys. The trifecta-Thomas was screaming, Luke was crying, and Jack had attitude. I decided it was a margarita kind of night once the boys went to bed. Don't think you are free from drama if you have boys--it turns out that all kids are dramatic.

Some Luke Antics

Coming back from Christmas break meant back to reading to Jack's class. Pete had taken the car but promised to be back in time. Well the time he promised to be home came and went. I was getting antsy and the two younger boys wanted to go upstairs to play, but I didn't want to go upstairs with them since I needed to be out the door as soon as Pete got home. I tried to call his phone but it was dead. I relented and let the boys go upstairs unsupervised. The moment I saw the car pull in I met him outside. When I got home Luke greeted me at the door completely naked. Thomas followed and had what looked like a bruise or perhaps a cut above his eye. Amazed at the craziness of this scene I looked up at Pete and asked--'What happened here?' Turns out when I tagged off on parenting duties I didn't do my job of informing Pete where Luke and Thomas were and what they were doing. He assumed they were sleeping and took Tigran out to use the bathroom, which took some time, sat down for a minute, and then heard noises upstairs. Wondering what those noises were, since his boys were asleep, he checked. He soon found out they were not asleep and they had not been the whole time he was home. What they had been doing was in fact far more fun than sleeping- they had been putting my makeup on each other. From what Pete says--quite a lot: two new lipsticks and one new mascara. He was startled by their beauty and realized they would need a bath- their second of the day. So when I got home Luke was naked from recently getting out of the tub and the bruise on Thomas's face was left over lipstick.

 Luke has once again decided that he is going to be a big boy and not a baby. He informed us that he now likes Diego instead of Dora because Dora is for babies and Diego is for big boys. However, to show his inner struggle he asked if he could drink out of a baby cup while he watched his big boy show. He is once again attempting potty training. He just wakes up and decides he wants to try it and he does an awesome job for about a week or two then he stops. So now we are doing it again and he is becoming better at it-he will just go and not even ask us for help, but of course there are certain things he does need help with, so if I know he will need my help I check on him. Today I went to check on him and he was wiping himself and was very proud of this fact. I was too until I noticed that he was using a wet wipe and there are no wet wipes upstairs. Taking it from him I quickly realized that he had gone under the sink and found the Clorox disinfecting wipes. Luckily, all that has happened is some minor skin irritation that is uncomfortable. Though a slightly disturbing side note-when I went to Google to see if I should be worried I discovered that anal bleaching is a very popular thing right now. WHAT?!! Why in the world would you want to do that? Who sees that even? Yuck.

 Luke has never had a real mischievous streak. That is more Jack's thing and I can tell Thomas has it, but Luke, not so much. He has been mimicking Pete and I using his bogey as the baby or kid. Normally this is cute stuff like wrapping it in a blanket, singing it songs, kissing it, reading to it, but last night when I was straightening up after dinner and the boys were supposed to be brushing their teeth, I heard Jack get quite upset, and it turns out that Luke thought bogey needed a bath. He turned the water on in the tub and put his bogey underneath. I will admit bogey did need a bath ( in the washing machine because Luke also put make-up on bogey) but this not quite what I had in mind.

Luke putting bogey to bed and giving it kisses

Jack wrote me a note-- so sweet!

Family technology time

Thomas taking a little time read