You want news? I've got your news.

I have a new title for our life. What?  Don't you have a title for your life? It is like your personal theme song. Here is my life in one new title. Whatever Doesn't Kill You, Just Makes You Crazy. I think I will have it painted on wood in a beautiful and fancy manner and hang it in my house. It will be like those uplifting quotes that people put up in their houses, only true.

Now I know it will be a few weeks before I post this. I will add to it here and there. So bear with the randomness.

I bought a Ergobaby carrier from Zulily a few months ago. It was a great deal, but still more money than I usually spend for that sort of thing. I felt a bit guilty since Meg was our last baby. We have a Baby Bjorn so there was no need to get all above our station with this fancy organic baby carrier. Well as luck would have it I am pregnant again, and so I shall not feel guilt any longer. I will get to use it with two babies. In fact, the $88 I spent is well worth it now. I mean I should have actually planned to get pregnant one more time just to have an excuse to use it for longer. Never-mind the fact we will have to get a bigger car, and a bigger place to live. Now I definitely get $88 worth from my Ergobaby.

You know how you are nursing a baby who isn't eating solids yet and not yet sleeping through the night, and this means you are nursing every 3 hours?  Maybe a 5 hour stretch at night once or twice. Then you start wanting to eat Doritos for a late night snack, but here's the thing, you don't eat late night snacks and you only eat Doritos when your hormones are all up and down. So you eat the Doritos and think nothing of it. Then the next afternoon you just can't help yourself, you walk to the pantry and grab the Doritos while your children are napping and you just eat and eat and eat. Again, not really your normal style.  There must be a reason for this debauchery, and it has to be your period. You wait for it. The next night you go to the Snickers Bar hiding place to discover that your children have snuck into your hiding place and have eaten all your candy!!!!!! They must die, but first you should probably cry because you really wanted that candy. You know there are old chocolate chips in the shelves and you grab a handful but they are gross, but you don't care you need something sweet!!!!!! Still you are waiting for a sign, a reason for all this madness. Then one afternoon you think-- NO, surely not. It isn't possible. You pee on a stick and find out it is possible. You remember you told some friends that as long as your husband planning on getting a vasectomy was a reliable method of birth control then you were all set. Haha- turns out the joke's on you or in this case-- me.

I ended my pregnancy with Meg weighing in at a glorious 163. My goal was to get to 115. I worked my ass off. I worked out hard and often and I got back into my size 2 pants and I got to 118 lbs. I had lines on my stomach that were the beginnings of -well if not a six pack than a 4 pack. My thighs got smaller and I felt good in my body. Turns out that was the problem.

Today I made a pie. It is a blueberry and peach pie. While making this pie smell overwhelmed me. What is it with pregnancy and smell? I couldn't figure out which ingredient or combination of ingredients it was, but I did not like it and no longer wanted to be making that pie. I forged on and with minimal gagging made the pie.  I ate a slice, and it tasted quite good, but now writing about it I can smell the the crumb topping and want to gag again. So I guess I know it was something in the topping.

I have gained weight. Amazing I know-pregnant and gaining weight. Only I don't even know how far along I am and last time, even though my stomach pooched out immediately, I didn't actually gain weight for a few weeks. I figured since  I was nursing a baby and growing a baby that I wouldn't put on actual pounds right away. Wrong.

Every time I breastfeed Meg I feel nauseous. I didn't know this was a thing. Apparently it is. I was nursing Luke while pregnant with Thomas but not every few hours like I am now. Note to Meg:  See how much I love you-I am willing to feel sick just so I can still breastfeed.

I started having cramps. Of course I was worried. But they were just cramps and nothing else. I mentioned them to Pete, took Tylenol, and kept going on with my day. This lasted a few days and yesterday the pain was UNBEARABLE!!!!!!! I thought this is definitely level 9 pain on the smiley face chart. I got shaky, dizzy, felt like I was going to throw up, couldn't pick up Meg, and just wanted to crawl in a corner and rock myself back and forth. I called the OB nurse because I didn't know what was going on. I haven't had an appointment yet, I don't know my due date, and there is just pain. Since it was just cramping-- JUST CRAMPING!!!!!---and I am nursing my teething baby every couple hours I was told I need to up my water intake. Water??  Really? Not drinking enough water is causing me to want to die??? I had already started drinking more because I craved it, but even more?  I would basically have to have a huge gallon jug of water that I drank out of and refilled numerous times all day to drink as much water as they were suggesting. So I got a heating pad, got a lot of water in numerous containers, carried them all upstairs, propped myself up in bed, watched House of Cards, and drank water constantly for 3 hours. You know what? It started working. The amount of water I consumed was not human. Today I have kept it up. Not to quite the same degree, but still far more than I thought humans really needed consume, and I haven't had cramps. Go figure. Water. A crap ton of water.

Hot flashes while in the first trimester? I am thinking being pregnant so soon after having Meg and while still nursing all the time has made me a hormonal mess. I go from one extreme to the other in minutes. I will be freezing cold shivering and then stifling hot and sweating. It is crazy. Also, kind of gross.

First things first-- I had an ultrasound and now know exactly how close in age the babies will be. Are you ready for it?  They will be 13-13.5 months apart!!!!!  I was 6 weeks 5 days at the ultrasound and there was a heartbeat. Awesome. Still a year. I mean -come on!! We are definitely going to be looking into permanent forms of birth control. We are clearly too irresponsible/lazy to handle anything less.

Oh and the due date is March 11. In case people were wondering.

In the past during my first trimester I have relied heavily on scrambled eggs. Not this time.  I made beans, rice, and scrambled eggs wrapped in tortillas for dinner tonight. The pickiest eater in our house, Jack, was actually eating, but Luke, our biggest eater of everything, kept telling me it was disgusting.  I took two big bites and said, " No it isn't. It is good.  Oh no, I am gonna throw up!" Yeah, that didn't go far in convincing him that it was good.

I was going to wait and post this closer to the 10-13 week mark instead of the 8 week mark, but my body isn't shy about sharing the news with the general population. I try to wear baggy clothes and I have Meg strapped to me most of the time, but really one big clue is that I haven't been to aerobics in a couple weeks.  :(  I keep meaning to go even just to have social interaction, but I have been too tired. Of course, letting Meg go about 6 days with an ear infection before picking up on it didn't really help much on the sleep front. I was also going to wait because it is comforting to have that first appointment out of the way but I did have the ultrasound and it looked great. Plus, I have this family thing in a week or so and like I said, you can tell. Maybe they wouldn't know because I could claim I hadn't lost all the baby weight from Meg, but I have been pretty vocal about losing it so....  I just wanted to tell people on my terms and not have them stare at me and wonder.

Free stuff rocks, until sometimes it doesn't

When summer comes to our apartment complex many people move out, and this year our whole strip of townhouses was vacated, minus us of course. We got a free weber charcoal grill out of it, some alcohol bottles that were never opened came our way, and then we saw a mattress propped next to the dumpster so we decided to go for it. Our mattress is 10+ years, covered in baby urine, it dips in certain spots, there are coffee stains, and well, it is old. This mattress was white and the people who left it had only lived here for one year so it was new. Score!  Not wanting to rush into anything we propped it up in our entryway to see if it stunk or if there was stuff growing on it. After a week we thought-ok nice. So then we moved it to the middle of the living room to see if it was comfortable. The boys decided to test out the jump ability of it by using it as a trampoline, wrestling ring, and floor mat for dives off the couch. After all three boys played on it all morning it was time for naps. When Luke woke up he was complaining about his belly hurting, not a stomach ache but the skin hurting. Hmm...  I had him take off his clothes and there was a massive head to toe rash with welts. I checked out the other boys and nothing. Luke's skin is by far the most sensitive, he gets cold sores, rashes, welts, and hives quite often. Thinking over what we had eaten and played with the only new or different thing was the mattress! So while it was a lovely thought that we might get a newish mattress for free, it was not meant to be. Pete and Jack took it back to the dumpster.

Meg has decided that this week will be her week to accomplish quite a lot in life. She has the very tips of her first two teeth poking through the gum, she has learned to scoot, has started to eat rice cereal, and she can get herself into a sitting position.  Side note, the pink ball behind her-free because we found it on campus and there were no other kids around so we took it.

Thomas and Luke were sent outside to play today. They were not happy about it. Can't we just watch tv? Fine, I will just sit in bed. I want to eat. I forced them out. I gave them bowls with water, I gave them hulk fists, I gave them nerf dart guns, and I gave them little wooden catapults. After much pouting Luke and Thomas went for the wooden catapults. They are a little difficult to use and Luke quit almost immediately.  Thomas stuck with it. With just a little guidance from me, he figured it out and was pumped every time he launched one of the tiny bean bags. Of course, I heard him mutter, stupid toy, every time he didn't get it. He is so funny.

Luke decided he was going to use the hula hoop, another free thing we got when people moved away. He had fun getting it to go around once, and wasn't too bothered when that was the only time it didn't fall straight to the ground.

While at granny's we took the training wheels off of Jack's bike. This didn't go over too well, but I told him they weren't going back on. So today we will try again. Hopefully soon I can say he has it mastered. He and Luke both do Tae Kwon Do, and at this point Jack is the one who really loves it. He got his sparring gear recently and is now able to actually participate in the second half of class. He gets to spare with everyone- which means even 1st and 2nd degree black belts who are over twice his size. He can't always get the kicks or the hits in, but one thing everyone has said about him is that he is unshakable and persistent. The smallest boy in the class with the lowest belt rank and he is unyielding in his position and will often back his opponent into the corner.

Oh, and while at G and P's, Jack was given the task of using the punk to light fireworks. He loved it! I was nervous, but he did a good job. The boys also went blueberry picking. Luke learned that he loves frozen blueberries and refuses to eat them any other way.

I am trying to get Meg interested in the mother/daughter selfie, but she isn't very interested. She likes to be solo in her pictures.

Status update -what's next?

So many friends and family have kept us in their prayers over the last year that I feel not updating our status would be unfair. I admit I don't particularly want to update you because it is still pretty raw. It also has to do with the fact that while I process life by writing about it here or other places, Pete does not.

Well, here it goes. The application process for academic jobs ( math postdocs) starts in the fall. The applications basically are finished by Christmas and then you wait. The first thing you hear back from is the NSF grant in January and then the trickle down effect starts happening as the weeks go on. By March you more or less know. I will say frustration ruled in our case. First there was not good news with the NSF grant and then there continued to be a lot of bad news as the weeks went on. However, people who knew Pete and his CV were sure that he would get a job because he was a very strong candidate. He went and talked to various people who all said there was almost no way he wouldn't get something. Of course, they added you can never be 100% when it comes to these things. They offered up a host of reasons why there may be a delay with some schools offering positions, and advice was given that Pete postpone May graduation in favor of August graduation to give a couple extra months for things to get sorted out. We went into the summer with plans to graduate in August. Pete has done 7 years of graduate school, and the policy here is to basically kick you out by cutting off funding after your 7th year. It boiled down to him having to graduate no matter what. Once summer really kicked off and things began to settle down he again went to talk to some people that he trusts and there was an idea that he could get something called a limited term lecturing position. This would allow him to graduate in August but still get paid by Purdue for an extra year while working on applications again. It wasn't awesome but it was the best we could hope for.  He talked to the people in charge of setting this up, but was once again faced with disappointing news. The position would pay only $100 more a semester and there would be no insurance- this ended up not being an option for us. Faced with a deadline to defend and to make our plans known to the graduate department within a day we were lost.

 To apply to industry takes a few months and as we have lived month to month for 7 years there isn't savings to allow us the luxury of being without income. Also, Pete had an industry job before but quit it to follow his dream of becoming an academic. To get so close to that dream and then walk away wasn't something he was ready to do, especially since he had and still has numerous people telling him that he should have gotten a postdoc. Of course, this doesn't really make him feel better at all. During all of this he has had one professor that he trusts above all the others and he is who Pete sought out during this moment. However, the professor was not in his office and had not returned Pete's email. Then at 7:30pm Pete's phone rings (and he answers it, if you know Pete this is a big deal) and the professor found Pete's number and called him knowing that his advice was much needed.  He had also called two other professors before calling Pete in order to discuss options. It was decided that there wasn't a lot to do at this point in the game, but what could be done was that Pete could petition the graduate program for an 8th year and he would get it since the people who make these decisions are the people Pete has been talking to all summer. In the next few weeks he will formally ask for his 8th year and come the fall semester he will start applying for jobs in academics and in industry.

There you have it. Our year in a glance. Pete's year in a glance. There isn't much else to say. Thank you for your support of us as we have struggled through and thank you for your continued support as we try one more time.

Summer time madness

The children are enjoying the freedom we have given them this summer. We open the door and let them play outside without a parent just sitting there watching. As a child this happened to me all the time, but it seems that doesn't happen as often as it used to. I feel for my kids, they don't the luxury of awesome neighbors like I did, they only have each other. They take a bowl of water to refill water guns, they take bikes, scooters, and whatever else they can find and out they go. They still come inside far more than I would like(mostly because they like to leave the door wide open!!!) They don't go far-- they really can't because living in an apartment complex sort of limits your exploring boundaries, but still it is a small taste of freedom.

Now this new freedom comes with the need to work together, figure things out, and stop asking mom and dad to be referee. They come inside whining and crying about not sharing, not taking turns, some one was pushed, another was tripped, and so it goes. We now say-- go back outside and you guys figure it out. They were uncertain at first, but they relish their outdoor time so they quickly learned to work it out or at least make an attempt. There has been one incident that did involve a parent stepping in. Luke found a rather large rock, it was bigger than my palm, and he threw it at Thomas' head. He got him smack on the forehead. Immediately Luke ran off and hid behind a tree. Jack stepped up and took on the role of caretaker. He got Thomas a pillow to rest on, some water, he sat next to him and read him a book, and told him he was sorry that he had such a bad owie. After getting the ice there was nothing for me to do. 

I am the strict one you see- the one that says rules are rules and they must be followed. My job is to be the one that is not fun at all. I enforce all the little and big rules. Bedtime falls into this area. I am very strict on bedtime.  The summer is no excuse to be lax because when it is time for school to start things will be hell,  and if bedtime is not adhered to then the summer days will be hell because of the overwhelming crankiness. However, I have worked very hard on being a little more flexible. I also surprised them all when after Tae Kwon Do one night instead of saying it was time to start getting ready for bed I said-- who wants to go to the pool? Our complex has a pool so I took the boys to the pool. Just me. I let them jump to me, I talked about random stuff, and for once I felt like the cool parent.  

I have spent the summer reading. So far I have read three books.  Right now I am reading Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore. I really like it. Of the three it is my favorite. I go through stages. Sometimes I binge read, sometimes I binge on TV, and other times I spend my evenings doing crossword puzzles. I hadn't read since before I was pregnant with Meg( minus one book), so it was about time. It was the longest I had gone without reading. I was just having a hard time finding something to start. Now I am on a roll. 

Picture time:

The kids weren't really on board with pictures. We might have to try again.

Being silly works, right? Nope.

Thomas didn't want to be there at all

This was sweet 

Taking a break 

Jack swim lessons

Luke swim lessons

Thomas summarizing summer in one picture

The main thing is-- you just gotta show up

I was reading an article/blog entry on the top 30 things you need to know if you are a mom of boys. I mean I have 3 so that totally counts. Most of the stuff you know and do anyway,  and I am thinking to myself-- oh awesome, I do that, not that, but I do that--when I hear a thump from upstairs and know something/someone has fallen. I pause for a second waiting for a noise but hear nothing. Still, I figure since all the kids are in bed, I should check it out. Turns out Thomas has fallen out of bed and is quietly crying. I pick him up, give him a kiss, hold him tight, and rock him. I rock him until the crying lessens and then I get him a drink of water, kiss him again, and tuck him back in. I think to myself, I don't need to read an article on how to raise my boys-- I just need to raise them in a way that feels right to us. I am not always an awesome mom. Sometimes I spank, sometimes I threaten to spank(even when I have no intention of doing so) just because it makes them hustle a little faster, I yell a lot more than I should, I have lost my temper and cussed at them or near them, I have had my days (weeks) when I am just tired so my parenting skills are limited to just keeping them alive- none of this fancy crafting, baking, coloring, playing, imaginary games stuff. That is ok. I accept that is ok. The main thing that I have learned from being a child and having children is that showing up is probably one of, if not the, most important thing. Just show up in their lives, be a part of their lives in some capacity, and your children will feel it. I say I love you all the time, I hug, I ask questions, I sit and look at them, I go to their school when possible to help, I read to them every day for naps and bedtime, and I listen when they need/want to talk. I'm not perfect, but they don't need me to be. At the end of the day they know I am on their team, and that means a lot. 

I also surround them with family that loves them. This weekend Meg and cousin Lily were baptized by their great-grandfather-- how amazing and special.  There was a lot of extended family and my kids were blessed with their presence. I did not take any of these pictures- they were taken by a beautiful cousin who was able to capture so many special moments of us just being together. 

Thank you to everyone who just showed up. It meant a lot. 

The Questions and other ways I get information

I am in the habit of letting the car be my zone out place. I turn on the radio and just drive in silence or maybe poorly sing along to a song. One reason for this is that my hearing is really very bad- no joke I really should get it tested and get a hearing aid, it is on my to do list- so talking to the kids in the back of the van is almost impossible. Another reason is that poor Jack has inherited my awful hearing. When we talk in the car it goes a lot like this:

 Me: "Jack, so what do you think the weather will be like tomorrow for your field trip?" Jack: "What?" Me: "The weather for your field trip-- do you think it will be nice?"

 Jack: "What?" Me: "The weather?" Jack: words I can't hear Me: "Huh?" Jack: "What?" Me: "Oh never mind." 

Now if he starts the conversation imagine me with all the whats and huhs. It is frustrating. Finally, I am not great at the conversation thing in general. Pete is good at it. He can just come up with a topic and talk and talk about it and engage the kids. Me, not so much. So a few months ago I came up with The Questions. As soon as I pick Jack up from school I ask him these questions. 1. What was the best part of your day? 2. What was the worst part of your day? 3. What is one thing that you wish you could redo? 4. What is the craziest thing that happened today? Sometimes I throw in other ones like 5. Who was the nicest to you? 6. Who were you the nicest to? 7. Who was the meanest to you? 8. Who were you the meanest to?  I get to find out more than if I just asked- How was your day? I learn a lot about the kids in his class and how he interacts with them. Now how do I hear him? Sometimes I don't. There is a lot of yelling. A lot of waiting until the car is stopped at a red light. However, since he knows the questions I ask he can sort of pick out a few words and know what I am asking, and since I know what question I asked I can kind of fill in the blanks if I miss certain words in his answer. 

 The car gets me certain information, but I get a lot of knowledge about his life because I read to him at night. He gets a bit chatty at night. I learned a friend of his told him that Pokemon were baby. Jack really enjoys Pokemon, he even brings stuffed Pokemon toys to school. A lot of kids in his class bring dolls or stuffed animals to play with at recess. Jack has invented Pokemon tag which is sort of like freeze tag but people are holding Pokemon plushes. (I think). However, the day after telling me that this friend called Pokemon baby Jack did not bring his Pokemon to school. He took them out of his backpack and instead brought a football. It made me so sad. Peer Pressure. Grr. I attempted to tell him not everyone is interested in the same things and he shouldn't stop enjoying things just because someone else doesn't like it, if you like it that is what matters. Alas, I do not think I am very good at motivational speaking. This combined with a few other things lead to the talk about what a friend is and what a friend isn't. A friend doesn't tell you to miss words on your spelling test, a friend doesn't threaten to and then actually kick you in the balls whether you spell the words correctly or not, a friend isn't mean, a friend isn't hurtful, a friend doesn't try to make your other friends sad, a friend doesn't say obscene things even after you tell him you don't like it, and etc. So I guess it was more of a what a friend isn't talk. 

It is probably good the summer break is fast approaching. It will give him time away from this friend. However, it will mean that I have to find ways to entertain him. Argh!!!!! I feel like I will be saying-- go outside and entertain yourself-- quite a lot. 

In other Weigel family updates-- Meg is a rolling machine and is even beginning to scoot. She gets her butt way up in the air and then kicks her legs some to move forward. It isn't very graceful but she is starting to get around. Thomas is in a phase where he wears his pajamas practically all day and he changes into all of his pajamas at some point during the day. He will even wear all his pajamas/clothes at the same time. Luke still likes to draw, play play dough, he loves Superman and all DC comic guys, and he is still a very tactile person. Pete told me I had to stop saying that Luke was a sensual person and start saying tactile. Fine. He likes to touch, kiss, hug, and get right in Meg's face. However, when he keeps his distance she really loves it when he gets her to say goo. He is very patient with her too, so she ends up talking to him and smiling a lot--which he loves.

Picture time.

Thomas wearing most of his pjs. Yes, there were even layers of pants.

Pete made steak with wine sauce- Luke had 4 helpings and asked to have his picture taken with it.

Jack being crazy

The only picture where her hair is tame

I think my boys may be berserkers

Things you should probably know just so you feel better about your life.

- My son peed in the garbage can at school. I won't name names since this could prevent him from getting into college, but I think you know which one.

- A different son started saying Bitch, Bitch, Bitch last night. When I asked why he was saying it, I was informed because he wanted to practice it. Nice.  Then a different son said he knew how to make that word even worse. I think my brain just exploded.

- In the parking lot of the grocery store the oldest one, and the one who should of course know better, grabbed a rock, made eye contact with a driver, and then brought his arm back like he was going to throw it. He didn't, and I feel about 80% confident in saying that he never planned to. The driver was not amused.

- If you have ever watched Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood you know he says- Ugga Mugga. I have a child who has made this his eye rolling mantra when he feels frustration and like the man (aka- his mom and dad) are holding him down. I now hate Daniel Tiger.

-I wanted to take a picture of my dinner table but couldn't find my camera. It so clearly depicts the way our whole house looks. There are play dough containers/play dough chunks, food, toys, books, clothes, drinks, spilled stuff that I don't even know what it is, pens, pencils, and bags all over it. It is just one table and it isn't even huge, but all this stuff is just piled up. It is what our whole house looks like-every single room- I promise. I am scared to set Meg down for fear I won't be able to find her under all the mess.

-Even our dog, who is already crazy, acted extra crazy. I was watching this little video I took of the boys and in the background you can hear Tigran whimpering because he wants to go outside. Well, Tigran hears this and just goes berserk running around the living room, barking, and getting all out of breath. I just sighed and said- Tigran you are barking at yourself. I know you are getting old, but really.

-I feel as though I haven't paid any attention to my blond baby boy. He is full of his own quirks. Like he has to have things just a certain way. He needs his pillow with the Christmas pillowcase, he needs the pillow case placed over the pillow so that the zipper from the allergy cover is sticking out and accessible, and he needs the open part of the pillow case facing the outside of his bed because he likes to put his right hand in there while sleeping on his stomach. This is an absolute must. There is no wiggle room. Somehow he managed to get his pillowcase off his pillow very early in the morning when I wasn't about to wake up for any reason. The whole just go to bed thing did not work. However, throwing himself on the floor with pillowcase in one hand and pillow in the other crying and sobbing until he was snotty nose nasty-did work. This happened another time recently and Jack offered to put the pillow case on but he doesn't know the specific rules so this just made Thomas extra mad. Now Mommy is the only one allowed to do it. Yay for me.

-He also likes to taunt cars like his older brother. When a car drives in the parking lot behind us he will either use his hands as blasters and blast the cars as they drive by or will grab one or two large sticks and shoot the car as it drives by. I need to add that he doesn't just stand still. No, he runs the length of the green yard chasing the car and he gets as close to the parking lot as he can. Yelling at the car is an added bonus.

-I learned, by watching my son, that if you are at the grocery store in your martial arts clothing and run down the aisle then drop down to your knees that you actually slide quite far.

-Luke's favorite thing to do, or so it seems, is to poke his sister's eyes, squeeze her mouth, put his finger in her nose or her mouth, and squeeze her arm. He doesn't do it out of anger or dislike of his sister, it is more like curiosity or that he feels so much love he doesn't know what to do with it. He gets sent to time out for these offenses and he just sobs the entire time. You feel so guilty, but then he just can't stop himself and the next time he is next to her he does it again.

So there you go. Life with the boys is never dull.