Status update -what's next?

So many friends and family have kept us in their prayers over the last year that I feel not updating our status would be unfair. I admit I don't particularly want to update you because it is still pretty raw. It also has to do with the fact that while I process life by writing about it here or other places, Pete does not.

Well, here it goes. The application process for academic jobs ( math postdocs) starts in the fall. The applications basically are finished by Christmas and then you wait. The first thing you hear back from is the NSF grant in January and then the trickle down effect starts happening as the weeks go on. By March you more or less know. I will say frustration ruled in our case. First there was not good news with the NSF grant and then there continued to be a lot of bad news as the weeks went on. However, people who knew Pete and his CV were sure that he would get a job because he was a very strong candidate. He went and talked to various people who all said there was almost no way he wouldn't get something. Of course, they added you can never be 100% when it comes to these things. They offered up a host of reasons why there may be a delay with some schools offering positions, and advice was given that Pete postpone May graduation in favor of August graduation to give a couple extra months for things to get sorted out. We went into the summer with plans to graduate in August. Pete has done 7 years of graduate school, and the policy here is to basically kick you out by cutting off funding after your 7th year. It boiled down to him having to graduate no matter what. Once summer really kicked off and things began to settle down he again went to talk to some people that he trusts and there was an idea that he could get something called a limited term lecturing position. This would allow him to graduate in August but still get paid by Purdue for an extra year while working on applications again. It wasn't awesome but it was the best we could hope for.  He talked to the people in charge of setting this up, but was once again faced with disappointing news. The position would pay only $100 more a semester and there would be no insurance- this ended up not being an option for us. Faced with a deadline to defend and to make our plans known to the graduate department within a day we were lost.

 To apply to industry takes a few months and as we have lived month to month for 7 years there isn't savings to allow us the luxury of being without income. Also, Pete had an industry job before but quit it to follow his dream of becoming an academic. To get so close to that dream and then walk away wasn't something he was ready to do, especially since he had and still has numerous people telling him that he should have gotten a postdoc. Of course, this doesn't really make him feel better at all. During all of this he has had one professor that he trusts above all the others and he is who Pete sought out during this moment. However, the professor was not in his office and had not returned Pete's email. Then at 7:30pm Pete's phone rings (and he answers it, if you know Pete this is a big deal) and the professor found Pete's number and called him knowing that his advice was much needed.  He had also called two other professors before calling Pete in order to discuss options. It was decided that there wasn't a lot to do at this point in the game, but what could be done was that Pete could petition the graduate program for an 8th year and he would get it since the people who make these decisions are the people Pete has been talking to all summer. In the next few weeks he will formally ask for his 8th year and come the fall semester he will start applying for jobs in academics and in industry.

There you have it. Our year in a glance. Pete's year in a glance. There isn't much else to say. Thank you for your support of us as we have struggled through and thank you for your continued support as we try one more time.

Summer time madness

The children are enjoying the freedom we have given them this summer. We open the door and let them play outside without a parent just sitting there watching. As a child this happened to me all the time, but it seems that doesn't happen as often as it used to. I feel for my kids, they don't the luxury of awesome neighbors like I did, they only have each other. They take a bowl of water to refill water guns, they take bikes, scooters, and whatever else they can find and out they go. They still come inside far more than I would like(mostly because they like to leave the door wide open!!!) They don't go far-- they really can't because living in an apartment complex sort of limits your exploring boundaries, but still it is a small taste of freedom.

Now this new freedom comes with the need to work together, figure things out, and stop asking mom and dad to be referee. They come inside whining and crying about not sharing, not taking turns, some one was pushed, another was tripped, and so it goes. We now say-- go back outside and you guys figure it out. They were uncertain at first, but they relish their outdoor time so they quickly learned to work it out or at least make an attempt. There has been one incident that did involve a parent stepping in. Luke found a rather large rock, it was bigger than my palm, and he threw it at Thomas' head. He got him smack on the forehead. Immediately Luke ran off and hid behind a tree. Jack stepped up and took on the role of caretaker. He got Thomas a pillow to rest on, some water, he sat next to him and read him a book, and told him he was sorry that he had such a bad owie. After getting the ice there was nothing for me to do. 

I am the strict one you see- the one that says rules are rules and they must be followed. My job is to be the one that is not fun at all. I enforce all the little and big rules. Bedtime falls into this area. I am very strict on bedtime.  The summer is no excuse to be lax because when it is time for school to start things will be hell,  and if bedtime is not adhered to then the summer days will be hell because of the overwhelming crankiness. However, I have worked very hard on being a little more flexible. I also surprised them all when after Tae Kwon Do one night instead of saying it was time to start getting ready for bed I said-- who wants to go to the pool? Our complex has a pool so I took the boys to the pool. Just me. I let them jump to me, I talked about random stuff, and for once I felt like the cool parent.  

I have spent the summer reading. So far I have read three books.  Right now I am reading Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore. I really like it. Of the three it is my favorite. I go through stages. Sometimes I binge read, sometimes I binge on TV, and other times I spend my evenings doing crossword puzzles. I hadn't read since before I was pregnant with Meg( minus one book), so it was about time. It was the longest I had gone without reading. I was just having a hard time finding something to start. Now I am on a roll. 

Picture time:

The kids weren't really on board with pictures. We might have to try again.

Being silly works, right? Nope.

Thomas didn't want to be there at all

This was sweet 

Taking a break 

Jack swim lessons

Luke swim lessons

Thomas summarizing summer in one picture

The main thing is-- you just gotta show up

I was reading an article/blog entry on the top 30 things you need to know if you are a mom of boys. I mean I have 3 so that totally counts. Most of the stuff you know and do anyway,  and I am thinking to myself-- oh awesome, I do that, not that, but I do that--when I hear a thump from upstairs and know something/someone has fallen. I pause for a second waiting for a noise but hear nothing. Still, I figure since all the kids are in bed, I should check it out. Turns out Thomas has fallen out of bed and is quietly crying. I pick him up, give him a kiss, hold him tight, and rock him. I rock him until the crying lessens and then I get him a drink of water, kiss him again, and tuck him back in. I think to myself, I don't need to read an article on how to raise my boys-- I just need to raise them in a way that feels right to us. I am not always an awesome mom. Sometimes I spank, sometimes I threaten to spank(even when I have no intention of doing so) just because it makes them hustle a little faster, I yell a lot more than I should, I have lost my temper and cussed at them or near them, I have had my days (weeks) when I am just tired so my parenting skills are limited to just keeping them alive- none of this fancy crafting, baking, coloring, playing, imaginary games stuff. That is ok. I accept that is ok. The main thing that I have learned from being a child and having children is that showing up is probably one of, if not the, most important thing. Just show up in their lives, be a part of their lives in some capacity, and your children will feel it. I say I love you all the time, I hug, I ask questions, I sit and look at them, I go to their school when possible to help, I read to them every day for naps and bedtime, and I listen when they need/want to talk. I'm not perfect, but they don't need me to be. At the end of the day they know I am on their team, and that means a lot. 

I also surround them with family that loves them. This weekend Meg and cousin Lily were baptized by their great-grandfather-- how amazing and special.  There was a lot of extended family and my kids were blessed with their presence. I did not take any of these pictures- they were taken by a beautiful cousin who was able to capture so many special moments of us just being together. 

Thank you to everyone who just showed up. It meant a lot. 

The Questions and other ways I get information

I am in the habit of letting the car be my zone out place. I turn on the radio and just drive in silence or maybe poorly sing along to a song. One reason for this is that my hearing is really very bad- no joke I really should get it tested and get a hearing aid, it is on my to do list- so talking to the kids in the back of the van is almost impossible. Another reason is that poor Jack has inherited my awful hearing. When we talk in the car it goes a lot like this:

 Me: "Jack, so what do you think the weather will be like tomorrow for your field trip?" Jack: "What?" Me: "The weather for your field trip-- do you think it will be nice?"

 Jack: "What?" Me: "The weather?" Jack: words I can't hear Me: "Huh?" Jack: "What?" Me: "Oh never mind." 

Now if he starts the conversation imagine me with all the whats and huhs. It is frustrating. Finally, I am not great at the conversation thing in general. Pete is good at it. He can just come up with a topic and talk and talk about it and engage the kids. Me, not so much. So a few months ago I came up with The Questions. As soon as I pick Jack up from school I ask him these questions. 1. What was the best part of your day? 2. What was the worst part of your day? 3. What is one thing that you wish you could redo? 4. What is the craziest thing that happened today? Sometimes I throw in other ones like 5. Who was the nicest to you? 6. Who were you the nicest to? 7. Who was the meanest to you? 8. Who were you the meanest to?  I get to find out more than if I just asked- How was your day? I learn a lot about the kids in his class and how he interacts with them. Now how do I hear him? Sometimes I don't. There is a lot of yelling. A lot of waiting until the car is stopped at a red light. However, since he knows the questions I ask he can sort of pick out a few words and know what I am asking, and since I know what question I asked I can kind of fill in the blanks if I miss certain words in his answer. 

 The car gets me certain information, but I get a lot of knowledge about his life because I read to him at night. He gets a bit chatty at night. I learned a friend of his told him that Pokemon were baby. Jack really enjoys Pokemon, he even brings stuffed Pokemon toys to school. A lot of kids in his class bring dolls or stuffed animals to play with at recess. Jack has invented Pokemon tag which is sort of like freeze tag but people are holding Pokemon plushes. (I think). However, the day after telling me that this friend called Pokemon baby Jack did not bring his Pokemon to school. He took them out of his backpack and instead brought a football. It made me so sad. Peer Pressure. Grr. I attempted to tell him not everyone is interested in the same things and he shouldn't stop enjoying things just because someone else doesn't like it, if you like it that is what matters. Alas, I do not think I am very good at motivational speaking. This combined with a few other things lead to the talk about what a friend is and what a friend isn't. A friend doesn't tell you to miss words on your spelling test, a friend doesn't threaten to and then actually kick you in the balls whether you spell the words correctly or not, a friend isn't mean, a friend isn't hurtful, a friend doesn't try to make your other friends sad, a friend doesn't say obscene things even after you tell him you don't like it, and etc. So I guess it was more of a what a friend isn't talk. 

It is probably good the summer break is fast approaching. It will give him time away from this friend. However, it will mean that I have to find ways to entertain him. Argh!!!!! I feel like I will be saying-- go outside and entertain yourself-- quite a lot. 

In other Weigel family updates-- Meg is a rolling machine and is even beginning to scoot. She gets her butt way up in the air and then kicks her legs some to move forward. It isn't very graceful but she is starting to get around. Thomas is in a phase where he wears his pajamas practically all day and he changes into all of his pajamas at some point during the day. He will even wear all his pajamas/clothes at the same time. Luke still likes to draw, play play dough, he loves Superman and all DC comic guys, and he is still a very tactile person. Pete told me I had to stop saying that Luke was a sensual person and start saying tactile. Fine. He likes to touch, kiss, hug, and get right in Meg's face. However, when he keeps his distance she really loves it when he gets her to say goo. He is very patient with her too, so she ends up talking to him and smiling a lot--which he loves.

Picture time.

Thomas wearing most of his pjs. Yes, there were even layers of pants.

Pete made steak with wine sauce- Luke had 4 helpings and asked to have his picture taken with it.

Jack being crazy

The only picture where her hair is tame

I think my boys may be berserkers

Things you should probably know just so you feel better about your life.

- My son peed in the garbage can at school. I won't name names since this could prevent him from getting into college, but I think you know which one.

- A different son started saying Bitch, Bitch, Bitch last night. When I asked why he was saying it, I was informed because he wanted to practice it. Nice.  Then a different son said he knew how to make that word even worse. I think my brain just exploded.

- In the parking lot of the grocery store the oldest one, and the one who should of course know better, grabbed a rock, made eye contact with a driver, and then brought his arm back like he was going to throw it. He didn't, and I feel about 80% confident in saying that he never planned to. The driver was not amused.

- If you have ever watched Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood you know he says- Ugga Mugga. I have a child who has made this his eye rolling mantra when he feels frustration and like the man (aka- his mom and dad) are holding him down. I now hate Daniel Tiger.

-I wanted to take a picture of my dinner table but couldn't find my camera. It so clearly depicts the way our whole house looks. There are play dough containers/play dough chunks, food, toys, books, clothes, drinks, spilled stuff that I don't even know what it is, pens, pencils, and bags all over it. It is just one table and it isn't even huge, but all this stuff is just piled up. It is what our whole house looks like-every single room- I promise. I am scared to set Meg down for fear I won't be able to find her under all the mess.

-Even our dog, who is already crazy, acted extra crazy. I was watching this little video I took of the boys and in the background you can hear Tigran whimpering because he wants to go outside. Well, Tigran hears this and just goes berserk running around the living room, barking, and getting all out of breath. I just sighed and said- Tigran you are barking at yourself. I know you are getting old, but really.

-I feel as though I haven't paid any attention to my blond baby boy. He is full of his own quirks. Like he has to have things just a certain way. He needs his pillow with the Christmas pillowcase, he needs the pillow case placed over the pillow so that the zipper from the allergy cover is sticking out and accessible, and he needs the open part of the pillow case facing the outside of his bed because he likes to put his right hand in there while sleeping on his stomach. This is an absolute must. There is no wiggle room. Somehow he managed to get his pillowcase off his pillow very early in the morning when I wasn't about to wake up for any reason. The whole just go to bed thing did not work. However, throwing himself on the floor with pillowcase in one hand and pillow in the other crying and sobbing until he was snotty nose nasty-did work. This happened another time recently and Jack offered to put the pillow case on but he doesn't know the specific rules so this just made Thomas extra mad. Now Mommy is the only one allowed to do it. Yay for me.

-He also likes to taunt cars like his older brother. When a car drives in the parking lot behind us he will either use his hands as blasters and blast the cars as they drive by or will grab one or two large sticks and shoot the car as it drives by. I need to add that he doesn't just stand still. No, he runs the length of the green yard chasing the car and he gets as close to the parking lot as he can. Yelling at the car is an added bonus.

-I learned, by watching my son, that if you are at the grocery store in your martial arts clothing and run down the aisle then drop down to your knees that you actually slide quite far.

-Luke's favorite thing to do, or so it seems, is to poke his sister's eyes, squeeze her mouth, put his finger in her nose or her mouth, and squeeze her arm. He doesn't do it out of anger or dislike of his sister, it is more like curiosity or that he feels so much love he doesn't know what to do with it. He gets sent to time out for these offenses and he just sobs the entire time. You feel so guilty, but then he just can't stop himself and the next time he is next to her he does it again.

So there you go. Life with the boys is never dull.

Who is this lady? Oh, she's me

This morning as I locked the door I saw parts of myself- the keys in one hand, the coffee cup in the other, my yoga pants, my blue gym shoes, and I saw the arm of my black workout jacket; I wondered when did I become this stereotypical mom? No makeup. None- since my mom let me wear makeup I haven't even so much gone to get the mail without it. I don't wear a lot but you know I cover up the dark circles and whatnot. Lately, I wear it less and less often. I didn't fix my hair at all. I threw a headband on. Yesterday, I wore a bandana to cover up the mess. Luckily, for Jack, school drop off is just my opening the car door once I pull up to the sidewalk and saying bye as he hops out. Then I went to aerobics with my 3 other kids, got all hot and sweaty, and immediately went to the store to buy food for dinner. I will fast forward to this afternoon. I had showered by this time but only had enough energy to put on clothes-so no makeup and hair fixing occurred. My feet were cold so I put on house slippers. Can you tell where I am going with this? I was cleaning up, laundry, changing diapers, and etc. when I noticed the time. We had to pick up Pete and then pick up Jack and it was time to go like now. I grabbed the keys and got everyone in the car still wearing the house slippers. It is a sad day. This is a new low. I thought we would be going straight home, but Pete drove to the playground. I thought I would see no one I knew. I saw like 5 people I knew. For real. Pete suggested I just take the shoes off and go barefoot. So I did. Then it was time to take the boys to Tae Kwon Do and to spare all the details I will just say that I asked Jack and Luke to do one thing, Luke refused, and maybe it was partially my fault, but he ended up being like 5 minutes late for a 30 minute class. Sobs ensued- my no make-up face was not smiling. I became the mom trying to force her kid out onto the mats, threatening, and speaking loudly when quiet would have probably gotten the job done. I was all stressed. I still had to go over Jack's papers and reading for Mass with him but since we were in public and other people were around he was not pleased with me. There was eye rolling and sassing by the son. Threats by the mother--this time made quietly. Eventually, we must have come up with some sort of agreement because it got done.

I felt like apologizing for all of it to everyone. Sorry I don't wear make-up or fix my hair to drop my kid off. Sorry I went to the store all sweaty, stinky, and au naturel. Sorry I didn't take the 45 seconds to change my shoes. Sorry I helped to make my kid cry and then got mad at his tears and refusal to go to class. Sorry you heard me get mad. Sorry he heard me get mad. Sorry that lately I have no patience with the older one and his eye rolling sass. Sorry that I probably came home and took it out on my husband. Sorry that sometimes I feel like I get lost in being a mom and forget that I am more. Sorry that I am not always enough of a mom. Oh and sorry for saying sorry.

Dirty Laundry

Nothing gets done-ever. Really, we are being total slackers. Laundry seems to be a good indicator as to whether you are on top of your game or not. If you come into our house we have laundry in the washer, laundry in the dryer, folded laundry in two laundry baskets, dirty laundry in one laundry basket, and piles and piles of clothes in every single room which may or may not be dirty but will end up being washed anyway because I am not taking the time to go through it to find out, but it may not get washed for a week or two. It used to be that in order to make our mornings run a little smoother I would lay Jack's uniform out on this little hallway table so there would be no excuses. Now I wake up just in time to brush my teeth and drive him to school, in my pjs by the way, and he still isn't dressed and has no idea where his clothes are and in all honesty neither do I. They could be in the washer, the dryer, a laundry basket, in his bed, behind a chair, on the bathroom floor, or some other mysterious place. So our mornings consist of a little more frustration and yelling than they used to. I should just lay them out again but this would require my being on top of all the laundry in the house and that is really just asking too much.

People who have been around us during our PhD stint and have heard me talk about Pete's schedule know that his hours are odd and they have changed a couple times from being super early to very late, and recently they have changed again. He has 3 weeks being awake at all hours and then has 1 week that we call his sleep week. He sort of just chills out on the couch eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, watching tv, and catching up on the sleep he didn't get for 3 weeks. It has been an adjustment, and I am not sure that I am totally adjusted, but the boys love his sleep week. They take turns laying on the couch next to him, watching tv, playing imaginary games, telling stories, and just general relaxation with dad. It is a bit harder for me because the not doing anything sort of rubs off on the whole house-- this does not help the above problem at all. Oh well.

Last spring and summer we put Jack in every sort of sport we could. Jack had fun with all of them but none of them really held his interest. Tennis he really liked but once the weather cooled off he never mentioned it again. One thing he and his brothers always do is practice their karate-even though they are just making it all up as they go. This lead to us deciding that he and Luke should sign up for Tae Kwon Do since this is a sport they can do year round and is something they are really interested in. For the time being we are forgoing the traditional team sports and focusing on martial arts. I don't have a picture of them in their uniforms yet because I just don't, but once I do I will share.

 Thomas is by far the funniest at the moment. He just cracks me up all the time. He makes jokes, blasts random strangers, does crazy moves, tells silly stories, and the list really could just keep going. He is so funny right now. He is also really helpful. He is at that age where you can say- Hey, get me a coke from the fridge- and he does with a huge smile. Love it. When I ask Luke to get me a coke from the fridge Thomas throws a fit, I mean he is 2 after all, and I end up with two cokes because he gets me one as well. 

Luke has never been as interested in learning things the same way Jack was. However, lately he has been surprising me with the stuff that he is just picking up. He is starting to be able to write the letters in his name, prior to this he had shown no interest in writing or learning about letters at all, and then one day he wrote an L and an E and said, " These are letters in my name." It was out of the blue. Another day he was playing with his paints and he painted blue on top of yellow and it made green, since then he has been trying out other colors on top of each other to see if they can make different colors. If we tried to just verbally tell him he wouldn't remember at all, but seeing it really piqued his interest. It has been fun to watch.

Picture time-

these boys really love each other so much

This little girl continues to steal all of our hearts

Pete had a birthday and Thomas blew out his candles 

So, we had to light them again. Pete's birthday was a great family bonding day!

Jack has become a drawing machine

So cute