Winter birthdays are a cause to celebrate

This is the time of the year when almost all of our family celebrates a birthday. Since I don't like winter I suppose God figured I should birth all my children in winter to remind me to celebrate during this cold cold drab time of year. Luckily, I was born in August, my favorite month, so I can sit out in the sun, with a margarita or some such drink, and be thrilled.  Back to these winter birthdays.

Meg starts us off at the end of January with her birthday. Here is the low down on Meg. She likes to do the naked dance. The naked dance is done during diaper change, bath time, and sometimes being naked isn't required just shirt off will do it. She shakes her booty and says Nae Nae Nae. This leads to the next thing about Meg, her favorite song is Whip Nae Nae. She loves this song and we have to listen to it on repeat multiple times. She thinks she is as big as her brothers and tries to do everything they do, she is thrilled when she feels like she has. She is amassing a large army of stuffed animals in her bed, and they need to come with her everywhere, but she cannot carry them all in her arms so she has a small backpack they get stuffed in when we are on the go. She pretty much rules this house. She is loud, stubborn, and throws a huge fit when things aren't going her way. Pete says she gets this from me. I wish I could deny this, but I fear it is true.

Her backpack holds all her guys and she looks like her brothers too

Next on the winter birthday train is Luke. He helps us say goodbye to February. Luke is learning to read. Something recently clicked for him and now when I am reading the Ramona books to him he will point out the words he knows. He is very excited because he really wanted to learn how to read but had been struggling. He likes to draw and color pictures. He draws pictures for his friends and family all the time. He likes sharks and all underwater sea creatures really, but sharks are his favorite. He likes to dress up and look nice. He even asked for real ties for his birthday, not clip-on ties. I am sad to say I didn't get him ties. Instead he got BB-8 shirts because he loved the new Star Wars movie. Luke picked out the morning music on his birthday and it was The Imperial March. In our house Luke is the quietest, the peace-maker, the one who will just walk up and give you a hug. He senses when you are sad and he will sit by you and ask how you are. He cares so much about everyone.

Luke discovered these books and reads them out loud to us- he loves them!!

Jack and Robert are next. They are tied with ringing in March. Jack is the oldest so let's talk about Jack. Jack is a voracious reader. I am amazed by the number of books that child goes through. He reads all day. He asks for books for every holiday and birthday. In his backpack now there are 3 or 4 different books that he is reading. At night he still likes for me to read to him. He is a good big brother and looks out for and plays with the babies all the time. He and Thomas are currently in a constant and never ending fight, or so it seems, but when he heard how well Thomas did at the Run- A -Thon Jack stopped right then and gave Thomas a big hug and said he was proud of him. This is pretty much Jack in a nutshell. He will drive you crazy all day but then he shows you that he has this great big heart and love of family. Sometimes, and not often enough, when I feel like I am failing Jack I ask him to sit with me and pray the rosary, and he rolls his eyes, sighs, and at first says the prayers super fast or incorrectly, but by the end of it we have it down and when we have finished he always gives me a hug and says thanks mom I needed that. His favorite shows at the moment are Flash and Arrow. He likes that they are older shows, there is fighting, the good guy wins, and that he can hang out with daddy while watching them.

Poor guy broke a bone in his foot. No more recess or basketball for awhile. 

Robert has just recently started to act like more than just a baby. I guess being the youngest I haven't been all that eager to let go of his baby stage, and he has acquiesced. He still nurses, and I am not so sure when he will stop because he uses it to fall asleep for naps and bedtime. He will nurse longer than his siblings I know that. They were all weaned around 11.5 -12.5 months. He still sleeps in our bed most of the time. Again, none of his siblings were in our bed this long. He wasn't talking or really even trying at all until recently. Now he hears you say something and he says it too. Words like- hi, boo, what, and cat. He is pulling up and not standing solo, though this week he started testing the waters and may have done it for a few seconds. Last night he took my phone, held it to his ear and said hi. Pete taught him how to play Where's Robert. Last night he played it with Jack. It was super cute. Robert laughed so hard that Jack started cracking up.

still has crazy hair and is learning how to get into trouble

Those are the winter birthdays. They keep us celebrating and force us to leave the house when we would much rather be hibernating. We went to the Shedd Aquarium in January, the Museum of Science and Industry in February, and if the weather is good we plan on going to the Brookfield Zoo in March.

Being A Parent Can Be Rough

Have I mentioned that sometimes as a parent I feel totally unprepared to face the daily challenges put in front of me? After 5 kids I still get overwhelmed by the daily things like: baby not sleeping through the night, baby in my bed, teething baby, toddler throwing a fit, toddler learning to assert independence, pre-schooler whining, pre-schooler thinking he is same age as older siblings, school aged children doing homework, getting ready for school, brushing teeth or not brushing teeth or brushing teeth where almost half a tube of toothpaste ends up on the mirror???, and peeing on the toilet rather than in the toilet or anywhere really except where the pee is supposed to go. Yes, these things still frazzle me, and I go back and forth between taking them in stride and losing my mind, but there is one thing I constantly battle with that just weighs me down because I don't know how to deal and it concerns my dear 3rd grader.

Some weeks are good, some days are good, and some are not. Some are trying. Some are hard. Last week was rough. I got a call from his PE teacher who had reached that point all his teachers reach-- she was done with him, she didn't know what to do with him, she wanted me to know she just didn't know how to reach out to him and make him calm down, focus, listen, pay attention, and whatever else it is he does during the school day. Next came a note in his planner from his main classroom teacher saying it had been a hard day. She doesn't always write these notes, so I know it must have been rough on her. She tries very hard, she loves teaching and children, she so wants him to succeed, and she tries so many different ways to help. Finally, I received a phone call from his reading teacher who expressed similar concerns as the PE teacher, but didn't seem quite as overwhelmed. He is an excellent reader, way above grade level, and he loves to read, so this probably helps her out because she can see past the jokes, the silliness, and the talking.

It used to be I would say - Why is it just so hard for you to listen to what the teachers say? Can't you see that you are being disruptive, disrespectful to the teacher, to the students, and that you aren't able to be the best learner you can be when you act this way? I would say- It isn't hard for your brother, he can do it. I learned these were not the best things to say, and he did know what he was doing wasn't what the other kids in class were doing, but it didn't change things. Plus, he isn't his brother and he shouldn't be asked to be. Sometimes I would yell at him-Not again!! Why? I mean can't you just try harder? Didn't we talk about this? Haven't we discussed this at length? Of course, to him I may as well be asking him to climb a mountain and then yelling at him when he can't do it.

Long-term goals give him anxiety because he knows how hard and how much energy it takes to be good and follow the rules (or most of them) so being offered a reward for being good 30 times in a row just shuts him down. He thinks-If I can't even be good one whole day how can I do it 30 times? What if I try my best, but after 5 days I just can't do it again? What if I mess up and then get back on track? Does it matter? No, because you said it had to be 30 days in a row and mine was 5 days in a row, then 3 bad days, but then 5 more good days. I will never make it. It is at this point he decides screw it if I can't make it 30 days I will go ahead and make silly loud noises right now. It is hard, and part of him so wants to make people happy, but he just can't control himself.

We have tried many things and many things work for a brief amount of time, but then they don't. Right now his school has set up this whole support network for him, and there is special language we are all supposed to be using, we are trying to help him learn more self-awareness, mechanisms to control himself, teach him how to realize when he is about to get out of control, and have him ask for a break to read in order to calm down (right now he has unscheduled reading breaks that the teacher doles out), and so when there are a lot of people willing to help and I still get contacted by three teachers in one week- it makes me realize perhaps I wasn't really cut out to be a parent. At this point, I don't know what to say or do. When the teachers call I just say - Yeah Yeah. Ok. I know. They want more from me I can tell. They want tips, guidance, how do you fix this at home, what are the secret strategies, but the truth is that at home he is the same way. We try this or that, certain times certain things work and other times they don't. Sometimes we just tell him he has to get away from us and everyone for awhile, so he reads or he kicks a ball against the house, but there is no magic wisdom I can impart. I guess that is what makes me feel so bad. I am not able to fix it, I don't know how to reach him, and I can't make it better for him or anyone trying to deal with him.

Sometimes on tests he doesn't always read the directions, he doesn't always answer all the parts in a multi-part question, he never shows his work, and he doesn't check his answers because the goal is to be done as quickly as possible. Last week he brought home his math test, and it wasn't pretty. His teacher had written a note saying he finished first then drew on the back and wouldn't follow her suggestion of going over the test again while the other students were finishing. I asked him about his math test, asked what was going on, asked if there was anything he wanted to tell me, and he said-Yeah, did you see the monster I drew on the back? It is really cool. I have been practicing drawing monsters, and I am getting a lot better. Did you see it? I felt like that sort of summed up our whole week.

I don't want him to be someone he's not, I don't want him to see how frustrated I am and think I don't love him, I don't want to give up on him, and I don't want him to give up on himself. Raising a child with a lot of energy, as I call it, is hard. It wears you out, sometimes it makes you feel like a failure, it takes away attention from the other kids, and it means letting go of any notion that he would be 'well-behaved' if I were a better parent. Though I wish I were a better parent.