Stressed Out

We are one stressed out family. I have started going through all of our stuff, mostly clothes and toys, and we have already taken two van loads of stuff to Goodwill.  I have more stuff stashed in the garage that really needs to go, and before Pete left this evening he made a pile of books on our living room floor to add to the Goodwill pile. I have packed 5 boxes, but if you walked into our house you would have no idea we have done so much work, Jack's room still looks like a tornado touched down.

Jack is starting to act out, and it has to be related to our upcoming move. He has been acting quite a lot like he did when Thomas was born. It has been very stressful. Tigran knows something is going on because anytime Pete is home he knocks things and people out of the way just to get to him, and if Pete goes near the front door Tigran tries to leave with him.

Packing is hard mostly because I have to make the decision-- Dishes, laundry, picking up or sorting through our stuff and putting it in boxes. This also effects meals-- I don't make them. Plus, the kids get to watch a lot more movies.

I have also been online more than I have in a long time, and hardly any of it is for pleasure. I bought our tickets so there is no turning back now. I called our bank to ask them about wiring money back and forth, fees, and a few other things, but I knew as soon as the bank manager said,"So Germany uses the pound right?" that we would have to switch our domestic bank before we move. 10 weekends before we move and we have stuff going on for 5 of them- this doesn't include appointments we have during the week during that time. It has us all swimming.

I'd say I can't wait until the move is over, but once we move we will have a lot of stressful stuff to do there as well.

Oh, but the boys did have fun with Pete the other night; here is a picture to prove it.

The move is a go

There has been a lot weighing on my mind lately, but any time I even think about sitting down and writing about it I am immediately distracted by all my children needing things.(Gosh, selfish kids). I usually don't get much computer time these days not that it is necessary, but it does help me sort of relax. Even now Luke is screaming and crying in his bed and Thomas is nursing. It really never stops. I missed aerobics today because I was just too tired to load up the kids in the snow and drive there, but in hindsight I should have done it anyway, I feel so much better after I go to aerobics. It is the first Thursday I have missed(minus Christmas break) since the beginning of November.

 When I first thought about writing we weren't sure if we were going to move or not. We actually thought we would be staying. I began thinking about summer t-ball and swim lessons, fall soccer and kindergarten, about bunk beds, framing the kid's artwork to hang in the kitchen, and actually talking more to the moms at Montessori. Now I have to get back in let's move away mode.

 Jack is not excited at all. He says home is where your heart is and his heart is here. He is also scared about going to a school that will be taught in a language different than English. 

Pete was given a part-time teaching position at the university. Classes start April 2nd so that gives us a firm deadline for getting there. I still don't really feel like getting everything ready but there is a lot to do. Plus, I have to figure out the rules for bringing food and breast milk on the plane.

 We have a busy schedule the next few months anyway. Jack has his first birthday party for a school friend, I emailed the dad and asked if we were allowed to stay; he said that would be fine. Over-protective? Maybe. Luke and Jack will have birthdays before we move. In February we are going to Vanderbilt for a conference and we are going to Henderson to visit my family. Our plan is to leave Indiana by mid-March so we have time to visit family before we leave. Also, we want to spend as much time with Tigran as possible. It is a really hard decision to leave your pet, but it just wasn't possible and he is already neurotic so the flight over may have been too much for him. When we thought we were staying we were so happy because we wouldn't have to leave Tigran; he has been our friend, protector, and family member for 7 years.

 We are full of conflicting emotions right now. The possibility of staying has made leaving that much harder, plus with things in my family being chaotic I feel bad for leaving. Pete has started tutoring a 7th-grader with autism and it gives him such fulfillment and purpose that I know it will be hard for him to give that up.

 The mother of the boy Pete tutors is German, and she gave us some advice/tips. 1. Remember to bag your own groceries otherwise the cashiers will yell. 2. Bring your own bags or if you forget remember to buy them at the beginning of the line,not after you have bought the food- another big deal that will cause irritation and yelling by cashiers. 3.Always carry freezer bags anywhere you go. (Not sure why but I can handle that) 4. Germans only eat warm bread so after noon the bakers sell the morning bread at 50% off because it is considered old/stale. So that along with our knowledge that 5. You seat yourself when eating out and you may have to share a table with people you don't know 6. There is no such thing as tap water outside your house. If you ask for it they look at you like you just asked to drink toilet water. 7. You don't tip but you can round up to the nearest dollar amount. and 8. Everything is closed on Sundays and be warned that shops close early during the week so get everything done early! I think we will figure it out-eventually.

 Here are a few more family pictures of us. I haven't pulled out my camera in a long time so I may just keep using these for awhile.

Sometimes being a parent means cleaning up gross messes

Having kids is really gross. I don't mean labor, I mean the everyday sort of stuff you get 'used to' as a parent.  Luke really isn't a fan of the diaper anymore. He runs around half naked most of the time or in undies when the mood strikes. Yesterday he went to play in Jack's room only to have Jack run out screaming," diaper alert! poopy diaper coming off!" When Luke poops he takes his diaper off immediately, unless you are right next to him when it happens then he will tell you, since I hadn't been there he was taking it off on Jack's bed. I run in as the dirty diaper was about to drop, I scoop him up, hold him out, and make it into the living room before any real damage happens. As I am changing him I realize that I am covered in poop. Oh man, I feel so dirty. I clean Luke up and wipe myself off, but since Pete will be home in 10 minutes to take Jack and Luke out I decide to wait to take a shower, and yes a shower is needed. It was a long 10 minutes.

Thomas spits and drools a lot, it is quite a massive amount really.  Yesterday I held him in the air and did the airplane move over my head, he really liked it began to smile and coo, but he also began to drool. As I looked up at him and began to smile back a large amount of drool landed in my mouth. Yuck-- you don't recover from that one right away. 

Today more issues with Luke. You may say," Just potty train the kid already!" Basically over the last 2 days he has used the potty more often than not. He pees in there quite well now. He sometimes tells you, but mostly we have to watch him for signs. He is always very proud and demands a high five. No candy needed-just fives. So we don't always have a diaper on him and we aren't too concerned about it, really the problems come when the diaper is on because then poop is involved. He won't even attempt to poop in the potty so if he has gone awhile with no diaper then we put one on--poop is on the way. Today this happened at nap time. I diaper him up, put pants on him, and 20 minutes later I hear the frantic screams I have come to know so well. Pants off, diaper off, poop flung on floor, and all sheets/blankets soiled. Oh yes, this is the fun stuff people don't think about when they are pregnant.

On a lighter and not so poopy subject -Thomas is starting to get up on his knees and rocking back and forth. He did it for the doctor a couple times today, she was impressed and believes he will be an early crawler. 

Jack is still trying to figure out girls. He pulled a girl's hair today. I am not sure what to do with him. It is only girls his age or a little younger that he is having issues with. We keep talking and he keeps saying he understands and will stop and he does--until he doesn't.

We begin and end with family

Prior to Christmas the quote: Whatever else changes us, we begin and end with family, had been floating through my head. I think it was because I had been praying and pondering about whether we should move to Germany. I couldn't shake it- we begin and end with family. 
In early December my great aunt died, this may seem distant, but in my family I know my second and third cousins quite well. When I went to college in Louisville I saw, stayed with, and dined with my great aunt and uncle on a regular basis, even my best college friends had met them. She was older and had been quite sick for a long time so it wasn't out of the blue, but it is always sad for those of us who are left to lose family. This began to make me feel hesitant about moving away. What if my siblings get married while I am gone, not a completely far-fetched notion, I would never forgive myself for not being there--I think they may not either. What if something happened to my Nanny? I know she doesn't want me to leave even though, in front of me, she puts on a brave face.
Family. I don't really know how to describe my family, I should ask Pete he is very good at these things, but one thing I know is that from an early age family was pressed into my brain as the most important thing. We aren't really the laughing, chummy, inside jokes, always talking kind of family I picture most families to be, but we are the type of family that would drop anything and everything to be there for each other-even if it is just to sit awkwardly in silence. I grew up within minutes of almost all my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins, seeing them weekly or monthly was quite normal. I observed my mom visiting my grandma weekly even when she wasn't up for it just because it is family and that's what you do. I have seen family members angry, yelling, giving the silent treatment, and cursing each other just to show up at a family event the next day, I have been one of these family members at times, just because it is family and even if you 'hate' them you are there for them.
A couple Christmases ago our car was completely out of commission due to a wreck, and an aunt gave us some money to help us get it fixed, knowing we are a poor graduate school family, and she said, "Having a large family can be a pain, I know, but it has its benefits too." This year a couple weeks before Christmas the same aunt sent me an email offering a way to help us keep in touch with the family and of course, Nanny, while we were in Germany, but since we had recently learned we may not have to go the gift was not one we could accept in good conscience. I didn't know how to phrase the reply email so instead of emailing back immediately I was going to do it the next day. I received two texts and one or two phone calls from my siblings on my aunt's behalf, worried because I hadn't emailed her back right away, like I normally do. I had only put off the email 15 hours. I feel guilty now because this aunt died over Christmas break. In fact, she died only a few days after I replied to her email. She was young, 52, and she lived alone with her many animals(horses, dogs, and cats). She hadn't been sick to anyone's knowledge. In fact, she had actually replied to my email asking what the boys would want for Christmas and reminding me we would be doing our annual Christmas movie outing and since we would be staying so long we might even go to two movies this year. She hadn't been heard from for almost a week and she wasn't answering her phone, but it was both normal and unusual, so we thought of it, but not as something so strange. On Christmas Eve my sister offered to drive out to check on her and she was dead. I didn't email back immediately and received many texts and phone calls checking on me at her request, but she hadn't been heard from for a week before we checked on her. I am sad about that and I feel very selfish.