We begin and end with family

Prior to Christmas the quote: Whatever else changes us, we begin and end with family, had been floating through my head. I think it was because I had been praying and pondering about whether we should move to Germany. I couldn't shake it- we begin and end with family. 
In early December my great aunt died, this may seem distant, but in my family I know my second and third cousins quite well. When I went to college in Louisville I saw, stayed with, and dined with my great aunt and uncle on a regular basis, even my best college friends had met them. She was older and had been quite sick for a long time so it wasn't out of the blue, but it is always sad for those of us who are left to lose family. This began to make me feel hesitant about moving away. What if my siblings get married while I am gone, not a completely far-fetched notion, I would never forgive myself for not being there--I think they may not either. What if something happened to my Nanny? I know she doesn't want me to leave even though, in front of me, she puts on a brave face.
Family. I don't really know how to describe my family, I should ask Pete he is very good at these things, but one thing I know is that from an early age family was pressed into my brain as the most important thing. We aren't really the laughing, chummy, inside jokes, always talking kind of family I picture most families to be, but we are the type of family that would drop anything and everything to be there for each other-even if it is just to sit awkwardly in silence. I grew up within minutes of almost all my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins, seeing them weekly or monthly was quite normal. I observed my mom visiting my grandma weekly even when she wasn't up for it just because it is family and that's what you do. I have seen family members angry, yelling, giving the silent treatment, and cursing each other just to show up at a family event the next day, I have been one of these family members at times, just because it is family and even if you 'hate' them you are there for them.
A couple Christmases ago our car was completely out of commission due to a wreck, and an aunt gave us some money to help us get it fixed, knowing we are a poor graduate school family, and she said, "Having a large family can be a pain, I know, but it has its benefits too." This year a couple weeks before Christmas the same aunt sent me an email offering a way to help us keep in touch with the family and of course, Nanny, while we were in Germany, but since we had recently learned we may not have to go the gift was not one we could accept in good conscience. I didn't know how to phrase the reply email so instead of emailing back immediately I was going to do it the next day. I received two texts and one or two phone calls from my siblings on my aunt's behalf, worried because I hadn't emailed her back right away, like I normally do. I had only put off the email 15 hours. I feel guilty now because this aunt died over Christmas break. In fact, she died only a few days after I replied to her email. She was young, 52, and she lived alone with her many animals(horses, dogs, and cats). She hadn't been sick to anyone's knowledge. In fact, she had actually replied to my email asking what the boys would want for Christmas and reminding me we would be doing our annual Christmas movie outing and since we would be staying so long we might even go to two movies this year. She hadn't been heard from for almost a week and she wasn't answering her phone, but it was both normal and unusual, so we thought of it, but not as something so strange. On Christmas Eve my sister offered to drive out to check on her and she was dead. I didn't email back immediately and received many texts and phone calls checking on me at her request, but she hadn't been heard from for a week before we checked on her. I am sad about that and I feel very selfish.