Goodbye Sweet Friend

It's early in the morning, I am sipping coffee and wrapped in a warm blanket. One thing is missing, one constant by my side is not this morning. Instead, he is another room unable to get up, unable to eat, and at the end of his life. Our poor sweet puppa- Tigran. All pets die and they die before us and that is what we know going into the relationship. One question you have to ask yourself is: Are you willing to love something with all your heart only to lose it? I guess that is the question you must always ask yourself before you love at all. Is it worth it? 

 I naively went into dog ownership, but Pete and I were engaged and my in-laws just bred their dog, so why not?  He is a beautiful dog, and as a puppy he was just so cute. Puppies are hard and there was a moment when Pete thought we should give him back, but like so many times in our marriage, when one of us can't do it or just can't manage the other seems to step in and hold the other up, and so I stepped up and said we could get through the trials of potty-training, dog-training, and furniture that was chewed through, and so we did.

I look back on the early years with Tigran and they are so fun: dog parks, walks, throwing balls, swimming in the pond, and then there is that side of dogs that know when they are needed to support you. Always right there when we were sick, when we were tired, when we just wanted to relax, when we lost Owen, and when the fights between husband or wife were more emotional than just irritating; Tigran was always right there.

When I was pregnant he always knew and he would become a guardian and would stay by my side, especially at night. With every new child brought into our house Tigran was there. He let those kids pull on him, crawl on him, take stuff away from him, and he never once did anything other than get up and move away. Once we had more than one or two kids having a dog seemed too much for me, and this time it was Pete's turn to step up and let me know we could do it. Maybe, I haven't been as available to my sweet dog over these last few years, but I guess this is because I took for granted he would always be there when I needed him, and he was.

Time has passed since I last wrote this. Now Tigran is gone. He is buried in Kentucky on the ancestral golden retriever hill, as Pete says. The kids have all responded differently. Jack is upset and has cried. Luke got a little teary eyed once but then seemed to move away from it. Thomas says he misses Tigran and thinks we should get a new dog right now. I miss him when there is food all around Robert's highchair. I am amazed at how much more I have to clean up.  Last night I caught myself putting a pan on the ground for Tigran to finish off. I also miss him at night or when I am alone in the house and I miss him when I sit down on the couch and he doesn't sit next to me. He was a wonderful dog. I know Pete misses him more than any of us, and it has been the hardest on him for sure.

Goodbye my sweet friend.