Here is a secret, I hate being pregnant

I thought being pregnant while having three kids would give me a lot to write about but as it turns out, not so much. It just makes me feel sick and horrible and not at all glowing. I envy these women who love pregnancy, who look good while pregnant, and can be trendy while pregnant, ok I say envy but maybe hate is a better word. I detest being pregnant, I told myself that I would do my best to thoroughly enjoy this pregnancy because I plan for it to be my last one. I would drink in and savor the miracle that is being made in my body, but this is not happening. I lay in bed and I bitch and moan to anyone that will listen, including my almost 2-year-old. I don't think he gets it though because he usually just kicks me in the stomach and then does a backward head butt. My beauty is not strengthened by pregnancy- not at all. I don't stay thin and just get a cute little belly that people expect a thin short person to get. I get wide all over and my belly is just extra round wideness on top of that. I get acne. I was brushing my teeth one morning and my husband said, 'Oh, you have a lot of acne right now.' Yup, thanks. This was then later followed up by my three-year-old saying,' Mommy, you have lots of owies on your face.' Yes, I know. My genetic under eye circles get darker and my normally wonderful hair gets brittle and dry, hair is supposed to become more luxurious during pregnancy-not less. So when I meet someone who just gushes about being pregnant it takes almost every thing I have to hold my hand down so I don't just smack them in the face. Let's hope I don't ever have a girl because if I do and she tells me she is pregnant I will say, ' That is great news, I am so excited, and I am so sorry for you.' I will work on it though, I have time.

I cook because I have to or my children would starve though trust me I have debated on, and have on one or two nights, offered up cheese sticks, fruit, chips, and whatever else they get out of the fridge for dinner. Last night Papa Johns had buy one pizza get one pizza free so I was all over that. Added bonus, I don't have to make breakfast in the morning, scratch that, Jack doesn' t have to make breakfast in the morning because I leave the pizza box out and they all love day old pizza for breakfast. Win -Win. As to leaving stuff out, I used to clean up and get the kids to help me clean up before bed so the place was ready to be demolished the next day. Something my husband doesn't understand at all. Now I scan the room for stuff that could trip me and clean that up (you know cars, blocks, or larger toys) but everything else just stays on the floor. My husband doesn't care or clean up so it just stays there. The carpet is in dire need of steam cleaning but it is my job to rent a steam vac, and frankly I don't have it in me, so I hope our new baby doesn't mind lying on a nasty dirty floor, ok I will put a blanket down first.

After my cerclage I have had these horrible headaches everyday. I don't tolerate pain well, ask my husband, I like to take my pain out on others. I am not the nicest lady or best mom when my head hurts that much. I have prayed about it and become more aware of this fact, but let's just say I was greatly pleased when my doctor gave me medicine for these headaches. I hope it helps, they should because when Pete gave them to me he said, ' Please make sure these are out of the reach of our kids because they are pretty powerful.' That gives me hope especially when he added, ' This stuff killed Marilyn Monroe.' Hopefully it kills my headaches.

At Christmas we got an iPad so I have severely limited my kids tv time because they also use the iPad. A month or so ago Pete said, 'Remember how when Jack was little you used to let him watch a movie everyday? Now you never put movies in for the kids during the day." I was proud of this fact, but this week my pregnancy has overwhelmed me, so my kids have started getting movies again so I can chill on the couch drinking water. Plus, when Pete is home they get iPad time.

 During my pregnancies I won't win mother of the year awards but my children do learn how to be very independent because if they want it they have to just do it or get it. So after all of this I am wondering why in the world I would do this to myself again?!

Well, today I went to Mass and at the end they stop playing instruments and just have all the kids sing- it is truly beautiful and I tear up. I glanced over at Jack's class to watch him sing, instead he had his hands clasped together like a gun and was blasting things in the church. I just had to smile. Yeah, that is my son. It is for all those moments that I just look at my kids and smile that I decided to have another kid. That doesn't mean that I enjoy pregnancy though because as much as I wish I did or could- I just really don't.

16 weeks

Some Small Things We Have Been Up To This Month

So it's been awhile since I wrote on here, almost a month, I will blame pregnancy. I haven't really been feeling that great. I get grumpy and tired and then I just want to lay in bed after I read to Jack and play candy crush or stare blankly at facebook. I did feel like my brain was starting to rot so I got a crossword puzzle book to help those little grey cells move around and get some exercise. I decided to read again, which I quit doing all summer. I blame pregnancy and getting older, because books with murder, kidnapping, children dying or being hurt or given away, or anything just sad and even remotely realistic has upset me for weeks on end and since this covers most books I just stopped. I think it is time to go back to reading my historical biographies.These are more academic in nature so anything bad doesn't bother me in quite the same way.

What have we been up to? Jack started 1st grade!!!!!!!!!

After a summer off he was a little nervous about getting into the swing of things, plus he didn't get the teacher he had wanted. However, he came home with nothing but glowing reports of his class and teacher. He said his teacher was so welcoming and not only do they get recess but they get brain breaks outside because in 1st grade you have to learn so much more than in kindergarten that your brain needs a break.

I had my cerclage this week. So in preparation for it they took some ultrasound pictures.

Baby is just fine. My cervix has softened but there isn't a whole lot to be done just now so we wait and see. I go to the doctor next week and will ask him more questions about it. I had a horrible headache for about three days after the procedure but it is easing up today-- I hope it stays gone because I was so not a very pleasant lady to be around.

Pete ran to Wal-Mart and saw a monkey shirt that he had to get Luke. It was a big hit.

The boys were asking for play dough so I made some for them. Thomas decided to pretend that his was a pillow.

Pete has started lining up talks for this semester- the goal is 10 talks. He already has two definite talks-one at Columbia and one at Illinois. There are a few more that we are waiting to hear back about. He has been working hard on his research and it will pay off because he is having a paper published in the Journal of Symplectic Geometry. Yay!!! Of course, Pete is working on more papers and ideas because he wouldn't be Pete otherwise. This semester he will not only be giving talks but he will apply for Post Docs basically everywhere. His semester will be very busy and perhaps we can begin to breath easy again in February when we learn where we will end up.

It's all good until you start eating hamburgers every day

I normally gain about 40 lbs during pregnancy. I have been quite lucky to get rid of it rather quickly. Though, I am worried about losing the weight this time. I am older, not ancient or anything, but I will be 32 and my metabolism isn't quite so awesome these days. Plus, my belly got a lot bigger a lot faster, so what if I gain even more weight?! This is truly a concern of mine. I work very hard at staying in shape and being healthy, and minus the coke and pizza addiction I have, I am an overall healthy person. Except, in pregnancy. I don't give in and just eat for two or think that since I am going to gain weight anyway I may as well eat whatever I want because that isn't the case, but the foods I want during pregnancy are overly processed or fatty. I will want to eat Doritos or Cheetos, I will want a huge brownie with snicker bar crumbles on top, I will want to eat the whole pizza by myself plus add breadsticks, and the big thing--hamburgers. Oh how I love to eat big fat thick juicy hamburgers when I am pregnant. I normally enjoy hamburgers just fine but I don't go out of my way to eat one. While I am pregnant I would knock you and your mom out of my way to get a burger from 5 Guys and then I would want to do it again 5 more times that week.

In an effort to try and not eat so poorly this pregnancy I started off doing quite well. In the first trimester, my craving for burgers and nasty chips, doesn't normally hit me right away. I am busy just trying to stay awake and eat really bland things like pretzels, saltines, cereal, and popcorn. This time I had a plan. I would work out. That failed miserably right away. I attempted twice in my first trimester and the first time I thought I had it because I made it half way through class kicking butt and feeling great, but then I got dizzy, very dizzy and my stomach began to cramp so I had to stop. I did try again but I didn't even make it halfway this time. I will try again to be sure, but probably not near as often as before and not so hard. Oh but food, I can control food. I ate apples, saltines, pretzels with hummus, carrots (plain and with hummus), watermelon, cereal, and eggs. I was so proud of myself. I was even able, for a week, to eat things that always make me gag during pregnancy-deli meat and chicken. Then one day it happened before I realized it. Chicken and deli meat never crossed my mind for food, yogurt made me gag, so did raspberries(that one was new), but still I carried on with my bland foods that were on the pretty good to good range of healthiness. I was proud of myself. I could do it. I hadn't gained any weight even though my stomach was huge for this stage of pregnancy. I wasn't starving myself either because I ate every hour. One day though I was still hungry. I tried all sorts of things but my gag reflex was preventing me from eating almost everything in our house- the turkey and cheese, the yogurt, the left over chicken broccoli alfredo, and alas we were out of cereal. I was hungry, I wanted to cry, I wanted to yell too because apparently being pregnant and hungry makes me angry. I called my husband and asked for a McDonald's hamburger from the dollar menu. I just had to have something. At first I didn't noticed my transition into nasty food. I just wanted to be able to eat something and fill full vs extremely shaky and moody. We took a couple car trips during this time and my husband would ask where I wanted to eat and I would answer with Steak N Shake. This is a fine place really and their food is good but I would never normally ask for it. He laughed a bit and said he thought it was funny how every time I am pregnant I want hamburgers. I was offended, no way, I have been fighting this, I have been winning, I haven't been eating hamburgers a lot, but then sadly I had to admit he was right. Anytime I was allowed to pick I asked for a big old hamburger. I guess there are somethings you just can't fight when you are pregnant-I will go to the bathroom all the time, I will get a huge puffy face, I will end up wishing at some point the baby would just miraculously be born without having to go into labor, and I will eat a lot of hamburgers.

My three sons no more

I had been feeling tired for a few days, but I am a mom of three boys so this is to be expected. Plus, I had been washing benedryl down with my nightly beer, so that probably hadn't been helping. When I laid down on the bed at 3pm one afternoon and promptly fell asleep my husband began to ask what was going on with me. Being a good Catholic mom I have lots of pregnancy tests stored in my cabinets, but as it wasn't that time of the month, I was sure it would be negative. I had been toying with the idea of getting pregnant since around Christmas and so far we hadn't, so I was starting to put my energy elsewhere. I had just agreed to start learning and coming up with playlists and routines for the aerobics/zumba class I attend. I decided before I became too invested in this endeavor I may as well fish out one of those tests and see what it had to say. Before I could even lay it down on the counter there were clearly two lines.

My first response was, oh shit. While I had been thinking about getting pregnant and not actively stopping it from happening, I didn't really think it would happen. Yes, I know how babies are made, but I at least thought it would take a long time-a really long time. We aren't rolling in the dough, we are moving next year, and we already have three kids and a dog. I had to tell Pete and that worried me some because he wasn't completely on board with the 4th kid idea. He is a fabulous dad and completely in love with and devoted to his kids, and that is what had him worried. As a father to three he felt like he wasn't able to give all the attention, time, love, and focus to his kids that he wanted, so with one more it would be harder and almost impossible. Oh, and the money thing. It took him a day or two but once it has happened what are you gonna do? Plus, a man so great with his kids is exactly the kind of man that should have more kids, right?

I then remembered a conversation Pete and I had a few days prior. Tigran, our dog, had started sleeping upstairs a lot more often, almost every night. I would come up and so would he. Pete laughingly said, maybe you are pregnant and he is protecting you. I guess he was right. Tigran now sleeps with me every night. Also, Thomas, our youngest, had started loving on me a lot more, calling himself baby, and demanding that I hold him more often. It seems that not only dogs but also small children can sense pregnancy. Almost immediately after taking the test, and not telling anyone, Luke and Jack became extremely loving and lovey toward me. Jack started giving me random hugs once a day and telling me he loved me, Luke would crawl on my lap, give me a hug and kiss, and tell me he loved me. Pete says this is because they can tell and they don't want me to forget about them or love them less.

I hadn't felt as sick/nauseous as before so I was a bit worried, but then I realized if I didn't eat every two hours (ok every hour) I was overcome with a desire to cry. I felt like I just wanted to sob. I never did, but the feeling was very strong. The sickness came though and feeling sick with three kids in the house isn't the best combination. Plus, this time I actually threw up. I never throw up during my pregnancies, it didn't happen often only once or twice, but it was a new thing for me.  My lovely husband was here to help out as often as he could-that is one perk of being married to a student, their flexible schedules. If I have a craving at this point, it is water and peppermint tea. I am constantly drinking bottles of water, and I do mean bottles. I am continually refilling them and sticking them back in the fridge only to realize that in the last few hours I have gone through them all again. Yes, I am always using the bathroom too. 

I haven't been able to nap like I could before. This is the downside of being in your first trimester during summer break and while you have three kids. I can sometimes rest for 30 minutes but never sleep. It threw me into some insomnia at night that made me a bear, but it has worked itself out. Without the naps though I usually end up hiding away from the world around 3pm. I am typing this while the boys are watching Rio. So far no one is screaming and crying so I count that as a success.

I also happened to notice another side effect- my stomach got bigger fast.

The day I found out I was pregnant- 4 weeks

Two weeks later at 6 weeks.

Can you believe at this point nobody was asking me yet? Did they think I just quit caring? I guess they were being nice. I hadn't expected it to get so big so fast. It was almost like I took the test and the next day my body just gave in and said, 'ok we've been here before and  know what to do.' This was only reinforced by the Nurse Practitioner who saw me at 10 weeks. She felt the outside of my uterus and got quite a surprised look on her face then pulled out the measuring tape. She then wanted to confirm this by feeling it. Then she looked at me and asked if I was sure about my due date. Well, no not completely sure, I mean everything was off by a couple weeks. She said I needed an early ultrasound right away because my uterus was measuring 14 weeks, and with the whole cerclage thing I get done at 13 weeks they needed to make sure. So I was ushered into the ultrasound room where talk of twins began to be had while they pulled up my information. I had to stop them right there. I was fearful of this myself because I had been sicker and my clothes stopped fitting at 6 weeks but my husband would not stand for twins so this talk must stop.As it turns out no twins and my due date was correct. My poor NP was so confused, she looked at the ultrasound tech and said, ' but look here is her uterus,' and she pushed down on it to show her. So I left feeling like perhaps I would be huge this pregnancy and then promptly went to McDonalds where the drive thru girl told me I looked like Gwyneth Paltrow. So now I have mixed emotions about how I look. 

The boys are taking the news well. They have noticed that mommy is tired and grumpy most of the time. :(  They are excited because now they get to watch more tv and sneak food like chips and fruit snacks and extra glasses of lemonade because I am either resting or just too tired to mess with it. I know this is not a glowing report of me but the boys don't seem scarred by it in any way and just say the baby ate my brain.I think this may also have something to do with the fact that Pete is playing a lot of  Plants Vs.Zombies with the boys.

So here is to #4, may he/she be able to handle all the craziness that is the Weigel Family.

A coke kinda night

Ok, so I feel totally overwhelmed with the day and am just chilling in bed drinking coke out of a straw. Aw, the life. * A note to say that I wrote this on Saturday night but got delayed in posting it.* The day started off with Pete announcing, at 8:30am, that we should go to the Indy Zoo(we have a pass so why not use it). We load up the car and drive to Indy. The weather was rainy and in the 60s but we had a fun time. Jack, Thomas, and Pete loved the raining moments while Luke and I chose to use the umbrella for them. We were looking at the Kudus and talking about how cute they were when Pete said they were so cute that even mommy would like one in her bed excepting the horns (an If I Ran the Zoo reference) I mentioned that I didn't think the females had horns so sure why not. Then we walk around to the other side of the exhibit, and I am off with Thomas a little bit away from the rest of the gang when Jack and Pete start talking about kudus again. Jack decides he wants to ask me a question so he yells quite loudly (you know because I am not standing right there) Mom, are you going to sleep with a girl? At that moment quite a lot of eyes turned and looked at me. I said, oh you mean a female kudu? The eyes went back to what they were doing.

I was making Mac-N-Cheese for dinner, you know the Kraft box kind, super easy and my kids will eat it. Last night I made chicken gumbo and cornbread and none of it got eaten so skip it, too much work for kids to complain they are hungry after I already fed them. Anyway, as you may know it takes about 12-15 minutes total to make this delicious meal but in that amount of time my two youngest children still managed to get into all sorts of trouble. Normally making dinner involves Thomas standing in between my legs just screaming and crying and annoying the daylights out of me. Tonight when he and Luke go upstairs (to play?) I have no problem letting them go. Dinner is ready and I call to the boys to come downstairs. Thomas strolls in drinking beer. Yes, my darling 1-year-old was drinking daddy's left over last night beer. See last night Pete and I went to bed around 9pm, we were so tired, and Pete had brought his beer upstairs to bed thinking he was going to be awake long enough to enjoy it. Nope he promptly fell asleep and since we left early for the zoo we didn't clean up our messes this morning and then well I had forgotten about it. Now no worries out there people who think I am letting him get drunk there was still the same amount as last night but when I went for it he did take one more sip before I could grab it. Next is Luke who does not prefer beer as his method of rebellion instead he got into my makeup.Pete says I should not keep it under our sink because the kids can easily reach it as they have done before, but I have no where else to put it. I did hide the makeup bag in another bag which worked for a bit, but I suppose it isn't the answer to this problem. I was able to clean most of it up but pink lipstick does not come out of carpets-just saying. I worked on it for a very long time. It is lighter but still there and still noticeable.

Let's not forget about Jack. Now if you let Jack play iPad or watch tv he is a very agreeable boy, but tell him it is time to work his brain and you have another child entirely. First I had him do one of his summer math worksheets, he is very good at math and he knew how to do the whole worksheet- this wasn't the problem. The problem is that he hates writing; he isn't very good at it, it is difficult for him, and it takes him a long time to express what he knows. I was met with quite a lot of- why am I so bad, why am I the worst kid ever, and etc. Next we move on the reading. I told him he had to read me a book and he could pick whatever book he wanted. He picks a super hero book and we start in. At first he knows most of the words so he isn't pulling normal Jack moves to make reading unbearable for all involved. Oh but then it happens. There are a few words in a row he can't quite get and his first move is always to just skip it and pretend like it isn't there. Well, I don't allow that so he gets mad at me. Then he stops trying to sound them out or use context to figure out the word and he just stops and asks me. This I also don't allow. He has to try and if he genuinely tries and still can't get it I will tell him. He then moves on to fake trying to guess the word. Trust me you can tell it is fake and not a real attempt. When this doesn't work his frustration rises. He then moves in for fidgeting, opening and closing the book, staring into space, and finally the thing that just gets me so upset-- he starts saying (every 5 seconds ) my throat is really dry, it is really really dry. I can't read with a dry throat. My eyes hurt I can't see the words my eyes hurt. My throat hurts. Now, we know he doesn't need glasses so this is not true and once he starts quickly and correctly reading the words again all these maladies magically go away. Until then, it is HELL! No water Jack you are stalling. Well, if you want water you better finish the book so you can get some. Sorry your eyes hurt there is nothing I can do for that. Just read the book!!!! It takes an hour to read a small book. Sometimes I think, so what if I don't make him practice math, writing, reading, or chess? At least then there wouldn't be these power struggles in our house every day.

Oh the joys of parenting. Especially when Pete walks in and magically they are transformed into wonderful and happy kids who just want to crawl all over him to be near him.

Scary Water

Our complex has a pool and the past few afternoons that I have been solo with the boys, I have taken them for about an hour or so. We have fun, they jump to me in the pool, they put plastic boats in to see whose boat will reach the other side first, or they just sit on the steps and pour water out of a bucket. None of my kids are swimmers yet, but Jack can doggy paddle pretty well and can stand in the 3 ft. section just fine. He is able to jump in the pool in the deeper end if he does it near the ladder so he can quickly paddle to it. This leads me to the other day. Thomas threw he boat into the water near the 4 ft part of the pool and then proceeded to scream and cry because he wanted it back. I didn't really want to get in the water just yet, but Jack was bobbing around and having fun in the 3 ft. part. The boat was pretty close to the 3ft part, though still in 4 ft, and it wasn't far from the ladder, and I asked Jack if he thought he would be able to grab it. He looked at it and said sure it wasn't far. I watched him get right to the boat and then stop. It appeared as though he was just seeing if he could touch down so I let it happen. Then he came back up but didn't appear distressed, he was paddling his arms but then he bobbed under again. I wasn't sure if he needed help and as soon as I was asking myself this, he came up and said-help. I jumped in the pool lightning fast and swam to him. It all happened so fast but felt so slow. By the time I got to him, which was only seconds, he had stopped bobbing. Realizing I could touch, I put my feet down and heaved him onto the side of the pool. He was fine and breathing, he coughed out some water and was, of course, shaken by what had happened. In hindsight, I feel like I should have known immediately that he was struggling, but he often bops and bobs in the water for fun, it was very scary. We agreed no more leaving the 3 ft. area. Not wanting him to become afraid of the water or the pool after about 5 minutes I suggested he get back in and do it by jumping to me in the 3 ft. section, I told him we could do this all afternoon or until he felt comfortable by himself. After just a few jumps to me he was back to jumping in by himself and playing in the 3 ft. section. Oh my.

Pete loves pens. He has loved pens for years. He uses pens for his work and they are essential to what he does, so there are pens in his possession at all times. His shirt and his pants almost always have pens. I have twice this summer assumed his pockets were cleaned out, since his pants were on the laundry room floor vs. our bedroom floor, so I just threw them in. The first time it wasn't horrible and I was able to use a combination of rubbing alcohol and putting laundry detergent directly on the stains to eventually make the spots so light and small that the shorts were still wearable- though it did take a couple days. This time I don't think we will be so lucky. There is actually a lot more ink than what the picture shows. I have tried rubbing alcohol and hairspray but alas they still look like this.

My boys are like many boys and they love sticks. I mean LOVE them. They seek them out, search high and low, and they are very very important. You don't mess with the sticks. They know which stick belongs to which person and what powers each particular stick has and it is very detailed and intricate. No matter where we go, even just to walk to the pool, all boys end up with a stick in their hand. We have quite a collection at our front and back doors. Here is our back door collection.

 I posted this on facebook already but it bears writing here for posterity. We went to the zoo with our friends who are moving away soon. Anyway, between us there were 6 kids. The 4 older ones were running around and racing. They were just ahead of us so we could see them and they weren't bumping into anyone so let them run and have fun. I suppose there was an older lady who did not share this opinion. She saw the kids running ahead and no parents so she said- where are their parents? Then one of the kids tripped and fell. He scrapped his knee and began to cry. The woman saw this too and said- it serves him right. My husband was quite upset by this and said, 'Ma'am, I let my kids have fun now so maybe when they are older they won't be so grumpy.' She looked at him and said-' Well, they are having fun.'

So that has been our week-eventful I'd say. Summer just officially started too- I dare say there will only be more adventures in store for us.

Isn't summer supposed to be fun?

In an effort to keep the kids occupied we have been filling up our summer with play dates, t-ball, chess, library visits, going to the park, visiting the pool ( on days far too cold to actually get in), going to the fountains at Purdue, walks, and throwing rocks into a pond. We have supplemented this with learning time, especially for Jack. This involves practicing writing, reading, math, chess, and whatever sport he is in currently. This has also involved sports for me like, you better brush your teeth now or no iPad for 3 days, no hitting your brother or calling him names just because you think it is funny when he cries, how many days can we eat Mac and Cheese for at least 2 meals before I get called out, and trying to find a few minutes to rest by hiding in my room while they do basically whatever they want just so long as they don't bother me. Ah, summer is here.

Instead of sitting on my back porch with a margarita in hand I am driving kids back and forth from activities, waiting for and/or watching them while these activities are going on, and doing all this while wrangling a semi-demonic 1 year old. Oh, he looks cute for other people but in reality he is the loudest, most stubborn, hard-headed child I have ever met.

Summer, the time of birds chirping and kids laughing, also the time when I realize our windows are open and I have been hollering at the kids for 10 minutes. Also the time I realize to check if windows are open next time.

We had been pretty busy for a few days in a row so I thought (minus one activity in the morning) we would just stay in and do nothing, just relax. Haha. I mean really, I have three small boys and a do nothing day is not restful or peaceful, I know this but I just hoped this one day we could pull it off. Nope. Every single toy, couch cushion, book, and baking pan was out and they were bored by noon. Oh man. I then put on a movie which did work for a bit, but soon the yelling, the fighting, the tattling, the eating foods they shouldn't be, and the playing in the toilet began. At this point I think I said, fine you win do whatever you want. Just know I won't clean it up, if you get hurt it is your fault, and I am going to go lay down for a minute so don't bother me. I don't think I will have anymore scheduled down days around here. I get too tired.