Here is a secret, I hate being pregnant

I thought being pregnant while having three kids would give me a lot to write about but as it turns out, not so much. It just makes me feel sick and horrible and not at all glowing. I envy these women who love pregnancy, who look good while pregnant, and can be trendy while pregnant, ok I say envy but maybe hate is a better word. I detest being pregnant, I told myself that I would do my best to thoroughly enjoy this pregnancy because I plan for it to be my last one. I would drink in and savor the miracle that is being made in my body, but this is not happening. I lay in bed and I bitch and moan to anyone that will listen, including my almost 2-year-old. I don't think he gets it though because he usually just kicks me in the stomach and then does a backward head butt. My beauty is not strengthened by pregnancy- not at all. I don't stay thin and just get a cute little belly that people expect a thin short person to get. I get wide all over and my belly is just extra round wideness on top of that. I get acne. I was brushing my teeth one morning and my husband said, 'Oh, you have a lot of acne right now.' Yup, thanks. This was then later followed up by my three-year-old saying,' Mommy, you have lots of owies on your face.' Yes, I know. My genetic under eye circles get darker and my normally wonderful hair gets brittle and dry, hair is supposed to become more luxurious during pregnancy-not less. So when I meet someone who just gushes about being pregnant it takes almost every thing I have to hold my hand down so I don't just smack them in the face. Let's hope I don't ever have a girl because if I do and she tells me she is pregnant I will say, ' That is great news, I am so excited, and I am so sorry for you.' I will work on it though, I have time.

I cook because I have to or my children would starve though trust me I have debated on, and have on one or two nights, offered up cheese sticks, fruit, chips, and whatever else they get out of the fridge for dinner. Last night Papa Johns had buy one pizza get one pizza free so I was all over that. Added bonus, I don't have to make breakfast in the morning, scratch that, Jack doesn' t have to make breakfast in the morning because I leave the pizza box out and they all love day old pizza for breakfast. Win -Win. As to leaving stuff out, I used to clean up and get the kids to help me clean up before bed so the place was ready to be demolished the next day. Something my husband doesn't understand at all. Now I scan the room for stuff that could trip me and clean that up (you know cars, blocks, or larger toys) but everything else just stays on the floor. My husband doesn't care or clean up so it just stays there. The carpet is in dire need of steam cleaning but it is my job to rent a steam vac, and frankly I don't have it in me, so I hope our new baby doesn't mind lying on a nasty dirty floor, ok I will put a blanket down first.

After my cerclage I have had these horrible headaches everyday. I don't tolerate pain well, ask my husband, I like to take my pain out on others. I am not the nicest lady or best mom when my head hurts that much. I have prayed about it and become more aware of this fact, but let's just say I was greatly pleased when my doctor gave me medicine for these headaches. I hope it helps, they should because when Pete gave them to me he said, ' Please make sure these are out of the reach of our kids because they are pretty powerful.' That gives me hope especially when he added, ' This stuff killed Marilyn Monroe.' Hopefully it kills my headaches.

At Christmas we got an iPad so I have severely limited my kids tv time because they also use the iPad. A month or so ago Pete said, 'Remember how when Jack was little you used to let him watch a movie everyday? Now you never put movies in for the kids during the day." I was proud of this fact, but this week my pregnancy has overwhelmed me, so my kids have started getting movies again so I can chill on the couch drinking water. Plus, when Pete is home they get iPad time.

 During my pregnancies I won't win mother of the year awards but my children do learn how to be very independent because if they want it they have to just do it or get it. So after all of this I am wondering why in the world I would do this to myself again?!

Well, today I went to Mass and at the end they stop playing instruments and just have all the kids sing- it is truly beautiful and I tear up. I glanced over at Jack's class to watch him sing, instead he had his hands clasped together like a gun and was blasting things in the church. I just had to smile. Yeah, that is my son. It is for all those moments that I just look at my kids and smile that I decided to have another kid. That doesn't mean that I enjoy pregnancy though because as much as I wish I did or could- I just really don't.

16 weeks