Home

Home. Tonight I talked with some friends about home. Is Indiana home? Is Kentucky home? What is home? I talked to Pete and realized I probably offended my friends with what I had said-- I am sorry. I guess I haven't really thought about what home is or what it means to me. Home is a small word that evokes so much emotion.

When we go home for holidays, summer visits, and family events we go to Kentucky, this includes visiting my in-laws. When I was brought home from the hospital it was to the same house my dad lives in now. I went to high school and college in Kentucky. I cheer for the Cards and roll my eyes at the Cats. Even knowing what that sentence means and that I know Cats fans would get quite angry over something so simple must make me a true Bluegrass girl. When I heard Ashley Judd was thinking about running for Senate I was excited I would get the chance to vote for her-- but I won't because my ID says Indiana and by the time she runs who knows what my ID will say. I grew up in the town where my dad grew up until around high school and then they moved to Evansville, which is just across the bridge. I grew up with my grandparents (on both sides) and most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins within 20 minutes. Surely this is home. Roots--they must equal home.

In KY I went through an adjustment period of trying to figure out who I was without a mom and as a young adult. I made mistakes, offended people, hurt people, but I began to find myself, found a few good friends and met Pete. Does a place that helps you discover who you are equal home?

In KY I had my grown-up job as a teacher, bought my first car, got married, had a baby, and bought a house. In the second trimester of my first pregnancy I went into labor at 22.5 weeks and in KY he has a gravestone. There is a part of us that will always be in KY. Is this home?

We have lived in Indiana since 2007. That is a very long time. Jack was still a baby. I have had two more kids since moving here. Pete is a Boilermaker and unless they are playing the Cards-- I root for the Black and Gold. My favorite football team is the Indianapolis Colts, this year maybe I am a little angry at them for trading Manning, but I will get over it in time. Almost immediately upon arriving here I found someone I know I will consider a best friend/sister for the rest of my life. Through her I met so many other wonderful friends that I hope I keep in contact with for years to come- they are all so amazing. Does this mean home?

Jack is now going to school here, we see the same parents at pick-up everyday, he is joining sports teams where we are seeing a few of the same faces, and next year he'll go to the same school where the principal and all the teachers say hi to him whenever they see him. Our Christmas card is up at the doctor's office. When we go to the store I have conversations with the check-out lady and she asks about my kids. When Pete goes to Qdoba the whole store stops what it is doing, almost, to ask about him and his kids. Is home where everybody knows your name?

We have traditions, events, rituals, and places we love to go. We are familiar and comfortable with the ebb and flow of activity in town due to the university. We consider ourselves part of the town vs students even though this is just a stop in our journey. Spring brings Springfest and walking in the botanical garden, summer brings swim lessons and having the town to ourselves, fall brings the Boilermaker Special, orange barricades for those drunk college kids, and winter means picking out our Christmas tree, throwing ice into the Wabash River, and a trip to Wolf Park. We have built our family here. 

Where my husband and kids are is my home no matter what, but this sense of home, this feeling of being at home, when you are asked where you are from-- how do you answer? 

I have watched my friends here raise babies who are now school aged children, I have done it with them, I have seen them get pregnant, they have seen the same of me. They have cooked me meals, taught joy school with me, invited me to play dates, and helped me live through so many of the most precious moments of my life. Home.

I think I worry about the next stop in life. The next place I go. I think I am afraid to call this place home because I know I will leave it. I will once again walk away from home. It scares me. If it isn't home it doesn't matter. This is wrong because it diminishes and belittles every moment and person I have encountered on my journey and life here. I never wanted to do that. I could never replace the love and support I have had here. I have always thought of home as where you grew up, where you went to high school. Then, at some random point years ago, I decided home would be our permanent city. I attached no real reason to this thought, only that a place where we stay for many years and where our kids go to high school must surely be home. This will be true at some point in the future, but does this mean I am to be homeless until then? I hadn't really thought about it in much detail before tonight. 

I suppose I would say that a place where you have family and/or friends who love, support, and look out for you is home no matter how long you are there. Kentucky was my childhood home. Indiana has been more than a home I think. It has been this wonderful place that can never be replicated. The moments, days, and years of your young children's life are fleeting but so full of moments/events/hardships, and to have a place where your husband's work schedule allows him to be there in ways a set 9-5 job would never allow is such a huge blessing and to have found a best friend who has shared those moments with you as well--it only happens once. Both places have shaped me and found a place in my heart-- both are home.