So hard to let go

My son starts kindergarten in a few days. This is a huge milestone for any parent. This little boy that I have elected to stay at home with, this little boy who has helped to fill my days with laughter, stories, fun along with frustration, worry, and arguments is leaving me. Perhaps I shouldn't phrase it this way-leaving me- but I feel that way. When I wake up in the morning, which will be much earlier than I really want to talk about, it will be in preparation of getting him out of the house and when I come home I will no longer hear his stories, games, and imagination at work. I will feel lonely. It was with him that I became a stay-at-home mom, it was with him that I first learned to be a mom, how to love in a way that is bigger than me, to give and desire for him more and better than I ever hoped for myself. Yes, I will get more time with Luke and Thomas, yes, I may have a couple hours to relax or at least finish all the laundry, but it is the beginning of Jack pulling away from me. Oh I know it was bound to happen, I know it has to happen, but that doesn't mean I like it. Right now he wants pictures of me and Pete in his bedroom, he thinks I am the prettiest lady in the world, he picks me flowers, and tells me how nice I am and how I am the best mom in all the world, and when I asked him how he felt about going to kindergarten he answered- excited because he gets to play and learn to read and write but nervous because he has to leave me all day. The fact that right now my little boy loves me enough to still enjoy hanging out with me all day is a wonderful blessing. Kids have no idea how hard it is on parents to let go- I guess it has to be that way otherwise he would be single, 40, and living in my basement, which would be pretty weird I admit. So along with the rest of the moms sending their babies off to kindergarten this month I will take loads of pictures, post them on facebook, make him a big breakfast, smile and get really excited to see him walk into his classroom, and then wait anxiously all day to hear about how that first day went. For you see it is a big day for him too. His first foray into academics, new friends, growing up, memories that he will be able to flashback to when he is older, leaving the comfort of his home and entering a world that isn't always nice and kind, and learning how to be a functioning member of society without his mom there to help out-it is quite a big deal. I hope we are both up to the task. I think we are. You see we have both been teaching each other quite a lot over these last 5 years and neither of us are the same person we once were. I know he will have a wonderful first day even if he is a bit anxious and he knows I will have cookies and milk waiting for him.