A decision had to be made......

And so..... after packing up our lives, saying our goodbyes, leaving our dog behind, and flying across the ocean to a new country we found that moving without a support system is quite difficult. It is hard to say when and where we realized things weren't going well, when we knew that this unsettling feeling might be more than homesickness.

 We first moved into a small apartment completely furnished and within walking or biking distance to everything, and here things were not easy, but felt doable given time. We knew this place was only our temporary home given the fact that we had not signed up in time to save it for a whole year, which many people do, we only had it for 4 weeks. We didn't want to buy more stuff to stock it when we knew we would have to move again.

 We found a place to move, got the keys, and loaded our meager belongings into a car and were driven 15 or 20 minutes to a small quaint town just outside the busy center of Muenster- it was a lovely picturesque town. Maybe it was here, or maybe not, that things began to feel overwhelming. The place was completely unfurnished, we knew this going in, but once we moved in with only mattresses and a couple lawn chairs to our name, the unfurnished aspect hit home hard. There were no mirrors, and this may seem minor but how is a girl to get dressed without a mirror? There were no light fixtures and while we had been given a few odd looking ones, no one thought to help us install them and we had no clue. We asked how to do it and were given verbal instructions, while correct, did not take into account the fact we are not handy; we went without lights, minus two baby sized mini-lamps we bought. We had no window coverings and so the extreme daylight, being up north, played with our children's senses and screwed up any semblance of routine, I also once caught sight of the man in the next building's butt. We were also in dire need of a kitchen and when we asked for help we were given two websites to look at, one was ebay and the other was a combination craig's list plus the classifieds. We didn't know what to look for, how to ask, how to install it, how to transport it, and etc., finally we found a person who would accompany Pete to see about a kitchen but wouldn't be able to help do anything else. It was quite frustrating. We asked many people to help us rent a truck and transport and install the kitchen but most said they had bad backs. Argh!!!!! We needed furniture and seeing what a pain the kitchen ordeal was I simply ordered it from IKEA- it was going to take at least 6 weeks for it to arrive-also, you had to pay in cash and the time of delivery which seemed quite odd.

 I ordered a few things, like a mirror and small toy box online through Amazon, and while I received my items, I got the distinct impression that people in Germany do not order stuff online the same way we do in America. First of all, I was quite embarrassed since I wasn't sure how to buzz the delivery guy in because when I tried to speak to him he didn't answer, so I simply went downstairs. He had 3 boxes for me but didn't appear to make any movement in any effort to help me upstairs with them, so I asked him to help, which seemed to put him off slightly but he did it. The next day or so I got another box or two and it was the same man and he met me halfway this time and made some facial expression or comment indicating that I sure was having many boxes delivered-this was done in such a way that I understood he was getting tired of delivering things to me. I was able to buy things online because we had smartphones not because we had the internet. We called about that but it turns out they mail you stuff and it takes quite awhile and they don't come to your residence because they aren't even located in Muenster. Then in order to feel like I had some control I decided to just do laundry. Well no, it turns out I wasn't going to just do laundry. They had changed the lock or were in the process of changing the locks to the laundry room so either way we had no access to the washer. Let me say that with three small kids this is not welcoming news. We had a drying rack so Pete decided to set that up on the patio and fill the tub up with hot water and wash our clothes. It wasn't the best way and we obviously didn't do it correctly because our clothes dried hard and crinkly, but at least we had 'cleaned' them.

 Pete wasn't having any time to study because taking care of all these unexpected kinks were consuming his 'free' time. His adviser was out of town every weekend and holiday to visit family so he wasn't even able to meet with him, which was the reason we came to Germany in the first place. I guess, to be fair, he met with him once for math related purposes. The secretaries, who had been our main link to the German world, informed us that we would likely not make any friends while we were in Germany because Northern Germans do not befriend outsiders easily. It isn't in their nature at all. Many never leave the small towns where they were born and see no reason to do so. In fact, we learned, that if you are American and have German heritage you more than likely have Southern German blood running in your veins because they are the ones who move around- Northern Germans do not. We were told it takes years before you are seen as someone they trust enough to befriend and even then you will still be an outsider. None of this was welcoming news, all of it was hard, and no one seemed to want to support us or help us because there seemed to be a feeling of-- if you are going to live here you better figure it out on your own. While that may be something we would need to be told later on, the fact that no one would even help us set up our home so that we could at least have one place that was safe, comforting, and refuge for us was too much for me, I began to bend and break under the stress. Our family began to look nothing like it did in the States, Pete wasn't studying, it didn't seem like he would be able to study or see his adviser for quite awhile, and so a decision had to be made.

 Before we spent any more time or money did we even need to be there, should we stay? If Pete needs to finish his thesis in the next year( maybe year and a half) is it worth spending 6 months getting acclimated? How much would we end up relying on him since he was already picking up the language and I could barely order a brotchen? If I made him make all the appts., talk to all the teachers, and make all the phone calls would he be able to study enough? Would the added stress do us in? Still, we had made this decision, we had prayed, we knew it wouldn't be easy, and how would we feel just giving up? After much talking, many tears, and stressful nights of being torn in both directions we made the choice to come home. Once we decided it happened quite quickly. Pete should be able to fly out to Germany a few times and with skype and email it will get done, it may be difficult but now we see that it won't be near as difficult as if we had stayed.