A decision had to be made......

And so..... after packing up our lives, saying our goodbyes, leaving our dog behind, and flying across the ocean to a new country we found that moving without a support system is quite difficult. It is hard to say when and where we realized things weren't going well, when we knew that this unsettling feeling might be more than homesickness.

 We first moved into a small apartment completely furnished and within walking or biking distance to everything, and here things were not easy, but felt doable given time. We knew this place was only our temporary home given the fact that we had not signed up in time to save it for a whole year, which many people do, we only had it for 4 weeks. We didn't want to buy more stuff to stock it when we knew we would have to move again.

 We found a place to move, got the keys, and loaded our meager belongings into a car and were driven 15 or 20 minutes to a small quaint town just outside the busy center of Muenster- it was a lovely picturesque town. Maybe it was here, or maybe not, that things began to feel overwhelming. The place was completely unfurnished, we knew this going in, but once we moved in with only mattresses and a couple lawn chairs to our name, the unfurnished aspect hit home hard. There were no mirrors, and this may seem minor but how is a girl to get dressed without a mirror? There were no light fixtures and while we had been given a few odd looking ones, no one thought to help us install them and we had no clue. We asked how to do it and were given verbal instructions, while correct, did not take into account the fact we are not handy; we went without lights, minus two baby sized mini-lamps we bought. We had no window coverings and so the extreme daylight, being up north, played with our children's senses and screwed up any semblance of routine, I also once caught sight of the man in the next building's butt. We were also in dire need of a kitchen and when we asked for help we were given two websites to look at, one was ebay and the other was a combination craig's list plus the classifieds. We didn't know what to look for, how to ask, how to install it, how to transport it, and etc., finally we found a person who would accompany Pete to see about a kitchen but wouldn't be able to help do anything else. It was quite frustrating. We asked many people to help us rent a truck and transport and install the kitchen but most said they had bad backs. Argh!!!!! We needed furniture and seeing what a pain the kitchen ordeal was I simply ordered it from IKEA- it was going to take at least 6 weeks for it to arrive-also, you had to pay in cash and the time of delivery which seemed quite odd.

 I ordered a few things, like a mirror and small toy box online through Amazon, and while I received my items, I got the distinct impression that people in Germany do not order stuff online the same way we do in America. First of all, I was quite embarrassed since I wasn't sure how to buzz the delivery guy in because when I tried to speak to him he didn't answer, so I simply went downstairs. He had 3 boxes for me but didn't appear to make any movement in any effort to help me upstairs with them, so I asked him to help, which seemed to put him off slightly but he did it. The next day or so I got another box or two and it was the same man and he met me halfway this time and made some facial expression or comment indicating that I sure was having many boxes delivered-this was done in such a way that I understood he was getting tired of delivering things to me. I was able to buy things online because we had smartphones not because we had the internet. We called about that but it turns out they mail you stuff and it takes quite awhile and they don't come to your residence because they aren't even located in Muenster. Then in order to feel like I had some control I decided to just do laundry. Well no, it turns out I wasn't going to just do laundry. They had changed the lock or were in the process of changing the locks to the laundry room so either way we had no access to the washer. Let me say that with three small kids this is not welcoming news. We had a drying rack so Pete decided to set that up on the patio and fill the tub up with hot water and wash our clothes. It wasn't the best way and we obviously didn't do it correctly because our clothes dried hard and crinkly, but at least we had 'cleaned' them.

 Pete wasn't having any time to study because taking care of all these unexpected kinks were consuming his 'free' time. His adviser was out of town every weekend and holiday to visit family so he wasn't even able to meet with him, which was the reason we came to Germany in the first place. I guess, to be fair, he met with him once for math related purposes. The secretaries, who had been our main link to the German world, informed us that we would likely not make any friends while we were in Germany because Northern Germans do not befriend outsiders easily. It isn't in their nature at all. Many never leave the small towns where they were born and see no reason to do so. In fact, we learned, that if you are American and have German heritage you more than likely have Southern German blood running in your veins because they are the ones who move around- Northern Germans do not. We were told it takes years before you are seen as someone they trust enough to befriend and even then you will still be an outsider. None of this was welcoming news, all of it was hard, and no one seemed to want to support us or help us because there seemed to be a feeling of-- if you are going to live here you better figure it out on your own. While that may be something we would need to be told later on, the fact that no one would even help us set up our home so that we could at least have one place that was safe, comforting, and refuge for us was too much for me, I began to bend and break under the stress. Our family began to look nothing like it did in the States, Pete wasn't studying, it didn't seem like he would be able to study or see his adviser for quite awhile, and so a decision had to be made.

 Before we spent any more time or money did we even need to be there, should we stay? If Pete needs to finish his thesis in the next year( maybe year and a half) is it worth spending 6 months getting acclimated? How much would we end up relying on him since he was already picking up the language and I could barely order a brotchen? If I made him make all the appts., talk to all the teachers, and make all the phone calls would he be able to study enough? Would the added stress do us in? Still, we had made this decision, we had prayed, we knew it wouldn't be easy, and how would we feel just giving up? After much talking, many tears, and stressful nights of being torn in both directions we made the choice to come home. Once we decided it happened quite quickly. Pete should be able to fly out to Germany a few times and with skype and email it will get done, it may be difficult but now we see that it won't be near as difficult as if we had stayed. 

Beauty in Peculiar Places

In Germany we seemed to find beauty and artistry in some unusual places. The first place I noticed it was in doors. As we walked about town I noticed the doors, in a drab or ordinary looking building the door would pop out, it might be ornate, funny, bejeweled, loud, or overwrought. It seemed as if the owner, maybe even the building itself, was saying, 'I may be simple but look there is a part of me that shines, there is a quirky or showy side to me and here it is.' I too late began to carry my camera around to take pictures of these doors and missed so many that made me stop and smile.

If it wasn't their door then the windows almost always had something hanging for display. I can't see many Americans doing this, but there were often hearts, streamers, stars, or lace doilies.

This brings us to balconies and patio areas. Germans love to be outside and will spend as much time as possible outside, eating, drinking, cooking, socializing, or just having a beer at the end of the day, so no matter the size of their balcony it was always decked out with grill, table, chairs, perhaps lights, always flowers, and usually some type of covering to shield their goings-on from private eyes; I often saw bamboo coverings. The amount of flowers is what first drew my eye to the every day use of apartment balconies. It seems as though Germans have mastered the art of hanging flower beds and mini-gardens, to see a balcony without flowers either draped over the outside or inside of the balcony railing was a rarity.

Nature seemed to weave atypical beauty too.

Though, the place I least expected to find artistry was in the ice cream shops, and there it ran abundant.

The most prominent type of ice cream is called spaghetti eis and it looks like this.

I wasn't sure how to describe it so I went to wikipedia and this is what it said:
In the dish, an often light or white colored ice cream is extruded through a modified Spätzle press or potato ricer, giving it the appearance of spaghetti. It is then placed over whipped cream and topped with strawberry sauce (to simulate tomato sauce) and either coconut flakes, gratedalmonds, or white chocolate shavings to represent the parmesan cheese. Although it is not well known outside Europe, it can be found at some gelaterias and specialty ice cream parlors, at special events and at some hotels and restaurants around the world.


What a great chance for me to see beauty in the most peculiar places, it was wonderful.

Mass and Remembering

In Roxel the church, St. Pantaleon, is truly in the center of town with everything radiating out from St. Pantaleon Strasse. It is a beautiful church built in the 12th century, the above are a few pictures of the church. Mass is only in German with no English language option; we decided to attend what we thought to be family mass. We walked to church with the loud clang of bells beckoning everyone in town to attend. We sit in the back, at first just taking in the beauty and wonderment of being a in church built, and with foundations dating back, long before America was discovered. Eventually, I begin to look around at the people and discover that for a family mass there are no children or families in church. I begin to see that everyone appears to be around 50 years of age or older. Of course, our children begin to act out and express themselves as though filled with the Holy Spirit, and when in a church filled with other kids and families, it doesn't seem to echo so loudly and if heads turn to stare you can perhaps pretend they are staring at the kid in the next pew and not yours. When your kids are the only kids in church and the old people give you looks, it feels different, wrong, like you what were you thinking bringing children to this place. Pete takes the offending child to the back while I pull out books, stickers, coloring crayons for the ones left with me, and even this distraction seems to make more noise than our neighboring parishioners want. Soon Communion is upon us, just as we are to go up and receive it, the doors to the back open and families begin to trickle in. They are loud, talkative, carrying little bits of paper and craft projects, the parents stand in the back chatting, and these child-parent combos receive no looks of ostracism. To the best of my knowledge Family Mass must mean that the families get to go to a parish hall to color and learn about the gospel through crafts, while the adults enjoy the quietness of a solemn Mass.

After Mass Pete showed me the small crosses in the back with names and dates, these are the names of people who died during WWII. For such a small town  it was sad to see a whole wall filled with the names of men who never came back to their families. It was also in that moment of sadness I realized when studying and teaching others about WWII it is easy to see the Germans, as a cruel people who began or played a large role in beginning both of our World Wars. This is far too simplified and uncomplicated, and it should be remembered that no matter what- in war men with families kill other men with families and it brings sadness and heartache to all involved.

There is a monument to the both wars that basically says-We Remember for the World. Being a history fan I wanted to learn much about Germans, WWII views, and so much more, but when the subject of war, the country bring divided, or despot rulers came up the subject was quickly changed. Perhaps this was because we were Americans, but it seemed as though the topic received a quick yes, no, and then on to the next subject please. Germans are not an open people with strangers, basically it is a Southern family feeling of what happens in the family stays in the family and we will not talk about it. However, with Germany you cannot hide things like different crosswalk signals for East and West Germany, dishware with a made in West German stamp, the poverty that still lingers in East Germany compared to West Germany, and the fact that even now they do not issue phone numbers that contain the letter combinations which would spell Nazi. Still they remember and they know how the world was affected but instead of dwelling on it, let's just move forward, seems to be the mentality.

Shopping Carts

The boys and I went to the soccer fields to kick the ball around and get out some major negative energy that was circulating through the apartment, it ended up being a fun time of ball kicking, flag carrying, and rolling pennies off a small shed, but then we realized we were hungry! We decide to just walk on over to store for brochen, salami, gouda, and some fruit. I had the three boys by myself (Thomas was in the Baby Bjorn) and no stroller but the walk isn't far and it was nice out so off we went. Though when we arrived I realized a few things: 1. I didn't bring bags for the groceries 2. I didn't bring any more money than what was in my pocket 3. Luke , Thomas, Jack, groceries, no stroller or Pete--hmmm, how would I get home?  Well, we were already there and as I put my Euro into the grocery cart I had, what seemed at the moment, a brilliant revelation, I could put Luke and Jack and the groceries in the cart and push it home. I mean I did put my Euro in it, doesn't that make it mine for awhile? As I push the cart around the store I remember something about these shopping carts--they suck. I mean American shopping carts aren't great either but in comparison they are like the sports cars of shopping carts, while my German shopping cart was this ragged old beat up car nobody wanted. To push it straight takes great effort, to turn it requires great strength, and after trying to maneuver it around just the store you are pretty worn out. Still, there was no turning back, I had no other options, I would persevere. Once we got outside I had to cross the street into the town square which isn't difficult but it dawned on me that I would look weird, odd, a bit like a thief, pushing a shopping cart with two kids in it and groceries with no bags across town. I decided to hell with what they think, I can't understand them anyway! I pushed my shoulders back, held my head high and began to walk through the town square, old people and their opinions be damned. Only it didn't look quite so pretty and strong as it sounds. I had to ground my feet, hold on tight, push hard only to have it want to go off to the right, so I had to stop put my left foot back and lean into the cart and push it to the right with my upper body. Then the cart would decide to go to the right so I had to stop and again use the whole might of my little body to push it straight. Luke was the most secure thing in the cart because he was in the child seat while Jack and the groceries were just  being thrown around in the back of the cart. I decided to try a different technique and grab the back part where Jack was and see if this would work any better. It did not, unless you count causing the cart to actually begin moving in wide arcs around me as working. I hadn't even cross the street out of the town square yet. I got to the crosswalk and made it to the other side just fine, but then saw that I would have to lift the cart up onto sidewalk. I didn't have much time before trucks would start needing to use the space my kids and I were occupying so I tried and tried to lift that cart onto the sidewalk but to no avail, when suddenly a little old lady with a walker took pity on me and she hoisted the the shopping cart on the sidewalk for me just as cars began to drive where I had been standing. Needless to say I no longer had any pride left-- a lady who is in need of a walker to just get around town looked a me and thought wow she really needs my help and then proceeded to do what I could not in a matter of seconds. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The rest of the way home was a straight walk down that sidewalk but it didn't get any easier and finally noticing that the cart really wanted to be pushed with me walking straight and it off to the right that is exactly what I did. So my right arm was extended out to the side and the cart did much better that way. Oh it wasn't easy still, Jack nearly got his head lobbed off by trees and he almost fell out a few times because of cracks in the sidewalk, but we made it home. In hindsight it would have been easier to buy bags, carry Thomas in the baby carrier, and carry Luke in my arms than to use that blasted shopping cart. I was covered in sweat and out of breath by the time we made it upstairs. Without the help of that little old lady I may still be trying to lift the shopping cart onto the sidewalk--so, danke schön.

Signs signs everywhere

What happens when you are in a new country and you can't read the signs? Well, luckily in Germany, many of the signs are very visual and entertaining-- no German reading skills needed.

Watch out and don't fall in the water!

No squatting in the forest

tank speed limits on the bike trail--what?

No dog poop here

Stop or you will kill the kids

Really, no dog poop 

We went for a walk

At our apartment in Germany, you turn right then come to cross street, and normally we would just walk straight past the flower shop, the gas station, and on to the town center, but one day we decided to turn right into what appeared to be a subdivision type area. I am glad we did, it turned out to be one of our favorite places to walk.

When you first turn right you see apartments on either side of the street just past those are nice looking houses with solar panels on the roofs then abruptly it stops and right next door to a two story house with lawn furniture and a fire pit in the backyard there are 'cheep cheeps' on the right and tilled farm land on the left. The combination of city and country the lack of demarcation was a truly German experience. Luke loved the chickens and learned how to make cheep cheep noises and thus the name 'cheep cheeps' replaced the word chicken. As soon as the chickens would see Luke all of them came to his part of the fence and would have a conversation with him, it was too cute. Behind the chickens was a goat pen too, but that was too far away to get a decent picture. If you keep walking straight you some to a wooded area that appeared to arch. We heard noises coming from a distance and after following the wooded path for just a couple minutes we found soccer fields and a soccer game going on. It was a city league came of men probably in their 20s. Not sure if we were allowed in, I just let the boys watch from the fence. However, there was a part of the gate missing so the boys just wandered in and got right next to the field. A man gestured that we could come in but still not feeling confident I hung back ever so slightly. I suppose he wanted to make me feel welcomed, to include me in the game, or let me know it was ok to be there, so he started to approach me while talking. Of course, I had no idea what he was saying so I tried the whole smile and nod approach I usually went with, but he kept talking. Finally, I had to tell him I only spoke English, to which he replied with the word 3. I am not sure if he was telling me the score, telling me that he noticed I had 3 boys, or that it cost 3 Euro to watch so I reverted back to the whole smile and nod approach which caused him to walk away to chat with people who understood him. After this I grabbed the boys and we continued on our walk. We found a field full of yellow flowers and a monument to Mary complete with candles to light if you so choose. We ended up at the front of the soccer fields and the game was over at this point. We wanted to check out the Sports Center so we walked in to see what was what, and as we were looking at signs and peeping into windows the same man from earlier passed us and just watched for a few minutes before he went on his way. It seemed like he felt sorry for us and our inability to communicate, but since he didn't approach us again I will never know. We ended going to the soccer fields almost every day. If there are no games going on you are allowed play on them. Jack fell in love with kicking the ball and Luke loved picking up the flag and carrying it around.

The things we eat.

My 5 year old was the pickiest eater and if given the choice of eating or not, he usually chose not. His lack of interest in food caused him to fall off the weight charts.
When we first arrived here we bought many different types of deli styled meats, so we could find the ones our kids would eat regularly, it normally ended in bolognas, salamis, hams with paprika seasoning, and many more being shoved to the back of the refrigerator. Gouda cheese, which is the most common and cheapest cheese, was eaten by the block daily, but meat was not consumed with the same flourish. Then one day fish was introduced to Jack and there has been no looking back. It turns out that our picky eater wasn't picky, we were just feeding him the wrong things. He has eaten a raw fish sandwich, fish and chips(hold the chips), caviar, herring filet, and the thing that I could hardly look at, a seafood pizza with 5 different types of seafood, including tentacles, from what we aren't sure. Back home he loved goat cheese and blue cheese so perhaps we should have guessed that the stinkier the food the better, but what kid would rather have fish over grilled cheese?

His desire to eat stinky food was again proven when I accidentally bought liverwurst, instead of the mini weenies I had actually planned on buying. The same company makes both, and there is a fox who says," Meine mini- wurstkind," the kids have fallen prey to this advertising, so without reading the label I picked up a product with this fox smiling up at me practically guaranteeing my children will love whatever he is selling. Once out of the store I show Pete my purchases and upon seeing my fox purchase he leans in to whisper what I have actually bought, but we agree not to tell the boys right now since they can be easily be deterred.  It turns out that the wily fox was correct because my children devoured those mini packets of liverwurst.

We have discovered white brats and the correct way to eat them. They are usually eaten for breakfast or what I would call brunch, and you either just toss them on a grill for a few minutes or you can pre-cook water then toss them on for a few minutes. Two very important things to remember: 1. With white brats you must take the skin off before you eat them 2. You must always serve them with a sweet mustard. You are also supposed to eat it with a large pretzel and white beer. PS. Do not boil them.
We learned, on our own, that you do not cook green and white asparagus the same way. Pete makes great green asaparagus, so we figured just make it the same way- please do not do that. It will not cut, it will sort of shred and it will taste like earth. After our failed attempt I looked it up online, and discovered it is quite a different process. First of all, there is a special asparagus utensil that is used to shred it before you do anything else. Then there is a special slotted pot you use just for asparagus that allows the asparagus to stand up and not touch the other pieces,you do not want it to bend while cooking. Also, the white aspragus here isn't a side dish that you think will taste pretty good with your chicken or just because you need to feed the kids a vegetable. No, it is the meal. Hollandaise Sauce is always advertised with it and so is Riesling. You can add meat and there is a cheese, I forget the name, that is often paired with it. During Spargel season many restaurants have one menu that is just a Spargel Karte. We haven't attempted it again, but but we don't have a kitchen. I hope to try it soon, made the correct way.